


Could We Start Again Please?

by The_Cats_That_Haunt_The_Winter_Garden



Category: Beetlejuice - Perfect/Brown & King
Genre: Angst...so much angst, F/M, Found Family, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Minor Violence, Multi, Other, Referenced Emotional Abuse, Swearing, attempted humor, beetlebabes this is not for you, beetlelands sexyfuntimes, beetlelands slow burn, family working together to stop the big bad juno, feelings are discussed and apologies are made, god all these tags make it sound super dark, i try to balance it out with fluff, it kind of is but i promise there's fluff too, lots of head-canons, oh yeah...recreational drug use, post-musical
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-21
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-18 10:14:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 23,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29607897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Cats_That_Haunt_The_Winter_Garden/pseuds/The_Cats_That_Haunt_The_Winter_Garden
Summary: When Juno regenerates a month after the events of the musical, Beetlejuice reunites with the Deetzes and Maitlands to form a tentative truce and plan a way to keep Juno from killing them all.
Relationships: Beetlejuice & Adam Maitland & Barbara Maitland, Beetlejuice & Lydia Deetz, Beetlejuice/Adam Maitland/Barbara Maitland, Charles Deetz/Delia Deetz, Lydia Deetz/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 31
Kudos: 36





	1. A bug just trying to do his damn job

**Author's Note:**

> I came to this fandom super later. Like December 2020 late. So basically, I wrote this to work through my sadness at not being able to see this show live. Hope you all enjoy!

Probably the worst thing about being employed as a guide to the underworld had to be the irregular working hours, Beetlejuice decided. It couldn’t just be some nine to five gig…oh no! The dead simply HAD to choose the worst possible times to die. For example, take his current predicament. Beetlejuice had been enjoying some quality one-on-one time with ghost Oscar Wilde, and just as he finished creating a neat line of coke on the other man’s midriff and bent forward to get the party started, an annoyingly familiar pinging went off in his brain. With an exasperated sigh, he straightened up, mentally silencing the alarm.

“Something wrong?” Oscar raised an eyebrow at Beetlejuice. He shifted, pinching some of the coke between his fingers and sticking his finger in his mouth to rub it into his gums.

“Stupid work thing,” Beetlejuice mumbled pulling his clothes back on. “I’ll be back…hopefully.” Oscar groaned at his words, collapsing back onto the bed, annoyed that this promising booty-call had taken an abrupt turn. Sparing an apologetic glance at the ghost, Beetlejuice mentally accepted the summons and instantly found himself hurled into the land of the living. After teetering and catching himself on a wall to keep from falling, he glanced up, head still spinning from the sudden change of location. He jolted as he found himself face-to-face with a woman whose withered and wrinkled complexion looked older than humanly possible.

“Way to kill the mood, grandma,” Beetlejuice groaned, straightening up and brushing the stray static electricity from his suite coat sleeves.

The ancient, slightly transparent face of the recently deceased remained unchanged, squinting up at Beetlejuice with a concerning level of malice.

“Okayyyyy then. Let’s make this quick ‘cause I’ve got a frisky ghost friend to get back to,” Beetlejuice exhaled, scrubbing a hand over his face. “I know this is a lot to process, but you’re dead now. Honestly, by the looks of you, it’s a miracle this didn’t happen sooner.”

“Whaaaaa?” The ancient woman croaked. Beetlejuice let out an exasperated groan.

“I SAID YOU’RE DEAD!!” he bellowed, leaning forward to direct his words into the woman’s ear. Gesticulating wildly, he continued, “YOU NEED TO GO TO THE NETHERWORLD NOW. HERE IS YOUR TOTE BAG,” Beetlejuice conjured the bag out of the air beside the woman and held it out to her. “COMPRENDO??”

The woman’s face scrunched up, causing her wrinkles to fold in on themselves and practically swallow her eyes from view.

“Yeeeoooo get away from me, ya hooooligan!!!” she shrieked, batting the outstretched tote bag aside. “You young punks always think ya can go around disrespectin’ yer elders and assaultin’ us with yer unnatural hair colors and offensive clothing!”

The woman swung back her leg, almost toppling over from the effort, and landed a kick to Beetlejuice’s shin. Beetlejuice yelped, surprised at the force of the blow, and hopped on one foot, clutching his shin in his hands as the woman turned and hobbled away.

“ _Jesus in a jockstrap_ , why couldn’t this be an easy job!” Beetlejuice hopped after the woman. “WAIT UP, GRANDMA!! I’M OLDER THAN YOU BY A LONGSHOT, BUT MY VIEWS AREN’T AS BACKASSWARD AS YOURS! WHY WON’T YOU STOP? HOW ARE YOU MOVING SO FAST? YOU’RE LIKE, WHAT, 200 YEARS OLD? THIS SHOULDN’T BE—” Beetlejuice came to a stuttering halt. The old woman continued to hobble away out of her apartment, but Beetlejuice’s focus was now elsewhere, frozen in place as a prickle made its way up his spine. Dread began to pool in his stomach as he realized what must be causing the hair on the back of his neck to stand on end. _No no nononono, it was too soon._ He knew feeding his mom to a sandworm wouldn’t be permanent, but how could she be back already? It had been, what, one month?

Beetlejuice’s breath began to quicken as he realized that he had dangerously underestimated his demon mother. He had been so caught up in avoiding his feelings following the events in the house on the hill, that he had lulled himself into a false state of security. As the prickling sensation grew stronger, Beetlejuice pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes and sunk to the floor in a crouch. Mother dearest’s return meant that running away from what happened in that house was no longer an option. Beetlejuice slid his hands up to lock onto fistfuls of his hair as the dam he had built in his cold, dead heart to hold back the wave of emotions he knew crashed dangerously on the other side, began to crack.

Beetlejuice’s thoughts spun in a dizzying waltz. If his mother had managed to finally rematerialize, she was going to be pissed. More than pissed. And she was going to take that anger out on whoever was closest at hand. As he tried to catch his breath, memories of hot flames licking his skin rose to the surface of his mind. When he had gotten himself caught up in a witch hunt back in the seventeenth century and ended up being burned at the stake, he had rematerialized among his own charred ashes several months later. Demon’s couldn’t be _killed_ per se, but their bodies could definitely be destroyed. When that happened it took a while for them to regenerate, but when it did happen….If demons rematerialized in the same place they had been discorporated, then that meant…

“ _No._ ” Beetlejuice scrambled to his feet, fear and dread making a sickening cocktail in his mind. With a snap of his fingers, Beetlejuice vanished with a loud crack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, thanks for reading! This is the first time I've posted anything on here, so kind of scary but also super exciting. 
> 
> Alsooo, I joined the Beetlejuice fandom super late. Like December 2020 late. Anyway, I wrote this instead of crying over the fact that I can't see the show live. 
> 
> Also also, quick note: I've read so much Beetlejuice fanfiction that there is bound to be stuff in here inspired by other people's work. I definitely don't intend to steal anyone's ideas, so just know that this work is inspired by many things (including the musical itself duh) and I hope it comes off more as a love letter to the originators of such ideas than an attempt to steal their creativity.


	2. Hindsight hits different

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The family has some emotions they need to work through.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey lovelies! Thank you for the kudos and sweet comments <3 It really means a lot.
> 
> Warning for this chapter: mentions of past emotional abuse

Lydia was having a bad day. Not that that was particularly out of the ordinary for the past several weeks. Ever since Beetlejuice had entered her life with the force of a category five hurricane and then left just as abruptly as he had arrived, she had had trouble regaining some form of normalcy.

Climbing the stairs to her room after arriving home from school, Lydia heaved a sigh and dumped her backpack on the floor inside her bedroom door before flopping face first onto her bed. She let her body weight sag into the mattress, imagining that she was heavy enough to sink into the mattress and disappear completely. Lydia almost wished there was something specific that happened that day at school for her to blame her bad mood on. School really hadn’t been any shittier than usual though, and she had even had a nice conversation with her lab partner in biology; a cute girl named Penny who Lydia definitely did _not_ have any kind of crush on whatsoever. No, no specific event could explain away Lydia’s mood.

Instead, it seemed that since Lydia and her family had tricked Beetlejuice, leading to his eventual death and he still ended up saving them all from his mother, Juno, Lydia had been living in a bit of a haze. Days seemed to slip away without her acknowledging them. She tried to focus in school, but her grades had steadily begun to slip. Her father and Delia had convinced Lydia to start seeing a therapist following Beetlejuice’s departure and Lydia had to admit that it certainly helped having someone to talk things through with. However, Lydia couldn’t seem to put the events of the previous month behind her. And she wasn’t sure she wanted to.

Something that she had only hinted at with her therapist and could barely admit to herself let alone her dad, Delia, and the Maitlands was that…..Lydia actually _missed_ Beetlejuice. How messed up was that? The demon had deceived her and her family, tried to exorcise Barbara, coerced her into marrying him, and had almost gotten them all killed. Not to mention the countless instances of harassment and inappropriate comments that the whole family had been subjected to.

There was a nagging little voice in the back of Lydia’s head still that she couldn’t quite dismiss. The voice persistently reminded her that she and her family had deceived Beetlejuice in turn and went so far as to _kill_ him the moment he took his first breath as a living being. It was when this voice began pestering her that Lydia felt a dark blanket of guilt wrap around her. To be clear, Beetlejuice’s behavior _was_ unacceptable and out of control, but he wasn’t the only person that made mistakes.

Slowly pressing her hands into the mattress, Lydia shoved her torso up from the bed and rolled over onto her back. Her eyes wandered around her room, lighting upon different mementos from her life. There was the camera; a gift from her parents before her mother passed away. There was the gothic style antique armchair that Adam had refurbished for her after she picked it out at an estate sale. Barbara’s creative energies had recently been poured into a new hobby: soldering, and she had created several unique items of jewelry made from scraps of metal for Lydia that hung from the corner of Lydia’s mirror. There was even a touch of Delia in her room. Sitting on her desk was chunk of obsidian carved in the shape of a skull. After fighting Lydia’s dour moods with painful positivity, Delia had eventually discovered that Lydia’s obsession with death and wearing the color black wasn’t actually a side effect of depression and instead was more of an aesthetic choice. From that point forward, Delia had begun supporting Lydia in all her unusual proclivities.

A smile tugging at the corners of her mouth, Lydia’s gaze shifted from the obsidian skull to the far wall of her room where a battered cowboy hat hung from a nail. The smile faded from her lips as she studied the hat. It was the last parting gift Beetlejuice had given her before he disappeared from her life. A prickle began at the corners of her eyes.

A gentle knock on her door frame caused Lydia to snap her gaze away from the hat to where Adam and Barbara stood hesitantly in the hall outside her room. Barbara smiled softly at Lydia, but her brow was furrowed. Adam glanced from Lydia to where the cowboy hat hung on the wall and then back to Lydia.

“Hey, kiddo….how was school?” Barbara asked stepping into the room with Adam in tow. “We heard you come home and wanted to check in.”

Lydia sniffed and struggled to sit upright in bed, pressing her back to the wall.

“It was okay. You know…the usual. I still seem to only remember about five percent of what my teachers told me in class today,” Lydia confessed glancing down at her lap as she drew her legs into a crossed position. “I talked with Penny a bit today though! She’s actually really nice once you start talking to her. Not at all as stand-offish or intimidating as I thought she was. We talked about how excited we both are for the dissection portion of lab. I guess she has similar weird fascinations with dead things.” One corner of Lydia’s mouth quirked upward as she said that last part.

Adam let out a short laugh at that, crossing his arms over his chest.

“Well, I’m glad to hear that…..I think?” he eyed the teen. “Hey, ummmm, so…are you…you know…doing okay?” Adam and Barbara exchanged a glace before directing their attention back to Lydia.

“What do you mean?” Lydia eyed the pair warily. Barbara inhaled, holding her breath for a beat before exhaling.

“Well, it’s just that, we know you’ve been through a lot. We all have. But we both imagine that things were especially hard for you,” Barbara explained. “With….Beetlejuice…you know. The two of you were pretty close for a while and then he sort of turned on you and it ended with you….with Beetlejuice dead. That’s a lot for a kid to process.”

“I’m not a kid,” Lydia protested, crossing her arms. When she realized how childish the pose made her look, however, she uncrossed them again, instead folding her hands in her lap. Looking up at the Maitlands, Lydia went on, “I just….I mean, yeah, I guess things haven’t exactly been great since he…left. I’m sure you think I’m crazy for being upset that he’s gone, but, well….I am.” Lydia huffed and hunched forward hooking her arms under her knees as she drew them up toward her chest.

“Lydia honey, It’s okay to have whatever feelings you’re having,” Barbara approached the bed, sitting down beside Lydia. Despite being a ghost, the bed dipped as she settled on it just because Barbara subconsciously expected that it should. Barbara reached out and began rubbing small circles on Lydia’s back with a cool hand.

“God, you sound like my therapist,” Lydia snorted.

“She’s right though,” Adam piped in. “I mean, the past few weeks have been weird for us to! Don’t forget that Beetlejuice was the person who helped us come to terms with our own deaths and helped us even have a little fun along the way.”

“I guess you’re right,” Lydia’s expression became thoughtful as she glanced back and forth between her honorary ghost parents. “My dad and Delia really didn’t have any positive interactions with Beetlejuice, so I never mention how I actually miss him to them, because then they just think I’m crazy. I’m tired of them being worried about me. But I guess I sort of forgot that you two had time with Beetlejuice too before he kind of went psycho. What was he like when you met him?”

Adam chuckled, a slight grimace on his face. “Hmmmm, well he was _very_ excited to meet us, I guess. I think he forgot that we were processing our own deaths and that he was the first dead person we had met. He told us that he had been watching us for months before our deaths, which was _very_ creepy, but I think in a way, because he had been watching us for so long, he felt like we were already friends. Obviously, we didn’t feel that way though and I wouldn’t consider stalking and spying on people a good way to get to know them.”

Lydia snickered at the thought of an overeager Beetlejuice bouncing all over the newly dead Maitlands. “Yeah…boundaries are a concept Beetlejuice doesn’t seem to understand.”

“You got that right,” Barbara agreed. “I don’t think anyone ever taught that man the meaning of consent.” Both Barbara and Adam frowned at that, remembering Beetlejuice’s unwanted advances directed at them. Studying their faces, the smile dropped from Lydia’s face.

“Do you really hate him?” Lydia asked hesitantly.

“No, of course not,” Adam responded immediately. He thought for a moment, trying to decide how best to articulate his point. “While a lot of Beetlejuice’s behavior made us uncomfortable, I think that there is more to his story that, while not excusing his actions, might at least explain them. I mean, you heard what he said about his mother, Juno, and then when we actually met her, well…..I don’t think Beetlejuice exactly had a stable childhood.”

Barbara placed a hand gently around Lydia’s shoulders. “Sometimes I wish we could have met him under different circumstances. I mean, Beetlejuice pretty much showed Adam and I how to really _live_ for the first time. He pushed us to step beyond our suburban comfort zone, perhaps more roughly than necessary, but still. I think in a different life, we would have really enjoyed Beetlejuice’s company.”

Lydia leaned into Barbara’s touch and rested her head on the ghost’s shoulder. “What if we _could_ have a second chance?” Lydia tilted her head to look up at Barbara. “We could summon him you know...I think it would still work. Do you think it could work?” Lydia sat up excitedly.

“Oh honey, I know you want a second chance, but I think you have to think about whether that is what Beetlejuice wants as well.” Barbara stoked her hand down the back of Lydia’s head, smoothing her hair. Lydia deflated at her words. “Do you think it would be fair to summon Beetlejuice if that’s not what he wants?” Barbara asked.

“No……I guess not.” Lydia conceded. The corners of her eyes began to prick again. “I just never had siblings or close friends and Beetlejuice….well he was kind of the closest thing I’ve ever had to that and, despite everything that happened, I think I still care about him.”

As Lydia spoke those words, the tears that pricked her eyes earlier finally welled to the surface. Lydia buried her head in Barbara’s neck and the ghost wrapped both her arms around the girl’s small frame. Lydia felt the bed dip again and a second pair of arms enveloped her. The three sat in silence, holding each other as Lydia let the emotions of the past month wash over her. Maybe she shouldn’t miss Beetlejuice as much as she did, but was it wrong to just wish for another chance?

Barbara closed Lydia’s bedroom door behind her and turned to Adam who stood behind her. They had stayed with the girl, holding her in a ghostly embrace, until the tears stopped, and Lydia announced that she needed a nap before dinner. The ghost couple flipped the light switch on their way out sending fond glances at the teen as she snuggled under the covers. On the other side of the closed door, Adam exhaled and placed his forehead to Barbara’s, wrapping his arms around her neck. The two of them stood for a moment, eyes closed, before Adam pulled away enough to press a gentle kiss to Barbara’s lips.

“Do you think we can talk in our room for a moment before dinner?” Adam asked, eyes locked on Barbara’s.

“Of course, love,” Barbara responded, pressing a hand to Adam’s cheek before leading the way to the attic which they had converted into their own cozy apartment space. Despite Maitlands 2.0 ‘no longer being stuck in the attic,’ they had in all honesty grown quite fond of the space and it allowed them their own apartment that they couldn’t really get in the rest of the house. They had added a bed, armchairs and a couch, plush rugs, lamps, books a-plenty, and a corner for their worktable.

The two settled into their favorite armchairs and Barbara looked at Adam expectantly as he pursed his lips, seeming unsure how to begin.

“Is this about Beetlejuice?” Barbara asked gently.

Letting out a small laugh, Adam responded, “You really can read me well, huh? Yes, it’s about him. I guess our conversation with Lydia just brought up some memories from last month that I have been trying to suppress.”

“Me too,” Barbara agreed nodding her head softly.

Looking up at his wife, Adam took and steadying breath and continued. “As much uncomfortable and later _horrible_ stuff Beetlejuice put us through, he also pushed us into more character development than we would have had otherwise, didn’t he? I guess you could say he helped make us who we are today. And while I wouldn’t say I have exactly warm feelings toward the man, I still can’t help but feel guilt over the way we tricked him. I think you can guess why,” Adam’s brow furrowed in discomfort.

Barbara’s head nodded minutely. “Christopher?”

“Christopher,” Adam agreed.

For the benefit of the readers, Adam’s thoughts wandered back to his junior year of college and Christopher, the boy he had been desperately in love with for nearly two years. Starting out as friendship, their relationship eventually progressed to something more physical. Adam had fallen hard and fast and before he knew it, he would have done anything to make Christopher happy. Christopher had realized this and taken full advantage of it. He put Adam in uncomfortable situations, but just when Adam would begin to protest, Christopher would shut him up with a “how could you say that? I thought you loved me!” or “you know I love you, right?” These hollow professions of love kept Adam shackled to Christopher and he managed to convince himself he was happy with the arrangement. It was all worth it if Christopher loved him, right? Then, one day, Christopher moved on. Found someone else and dropped Adam like a live coal. Without so much as an explanation, Christopher texted Adam that he was seeing someone else and had never really loved Adam anyway. The emotional devastation that resulted from the breakup left Adam incapable of leaving bed for nearly two weeks. He was left to pick up the shattered pieces of his heart on his own. It was shortly thereafter that Adam met a gorgeous and brilliant woman named Barbara in his philosophy class. As the two grew closer, Adam eventually shared the details of his last relationship with her. Through many late nights and tissue boxes, Barbara stood by Adam as he came to terms with the emotional abuse he had been subjected to. It took time and a good therapist to eventually undo the damage done by Christopher and his treatment of Adam.

Adam pressed his hand to his mouth and leaned an elbow on his knee as the guilt of what he and Barbara had done to Beetlejuice threatened to overcome him.

“I know we were acting is defense of ourselves and Lydia, Charles, and Delia, but we still made Beetlejuice think that we loved him and then literally stabbed him in the back,” Adam choked out. “I _know_ what that feels like and I never _ever_ wanted to make someone else feel the way that Christopher made me feel.”

“Adam, you _cannot_ blame yourself for defending yourself. Yes, maybe we didn’t need to go as far as we did, but we cannot undo what was done now,” Barbara spoke firmly, needing to convince her husband that his actions were not unprovoked. “Lingering in guilt is not going to help us now. The best we can do it try and learn from the past and do better in the future.”

“But we probably won’t ever get the chance to try and do better!” Adam straightened up; a pained expression carved on his face. “Not with Beetlejuice anyway.”

Barbara didn’t have a response to that because Adam was right. Instead, she rose to her feet and crossed the floor to kneel in front of Adam. She took his hands in her own, pressing a kiss to them before laying her head in his lap where the two remained in silence until it was time for dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! The angst is really starting to hit now...hoooo boy. 
> 
> My plan is to post a new chapter every Sunday and Wednesday, so keep an eye out for the updates :)
> 
> Also, I love comments, good or bad, so please let me know your thoughts!


	3. Song and dance are the best de-escalation tactics, right?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh my God! Okay, IT'S HAPPENING. Everybody stay calm.

Delia hummed to herself, shaking her hips back and forth in front of the stove as she stirred the North African carrot soup she was working on for dinner. As the newest (almost) member of the Deetz family, Delia found herself overcome with emotion when both Charles and Lydia wholeheartedly agreed to adopt her vegan diet to make meals for the family easier. The Maitlands were also on board, although they didn’t really _need_ to eat food, so it didn’t matter as much to them. Still, Delia found the gesture of sacrifice on her behalf overwhelming. Especially coming from Lydia who had certainly taken her time to warm up to Delia. Delia smiled instinctually as she thought about the unusual teen who had slowly but surely captured her heart.

“Mmmmmmm, something smells good! Almost as good as you look.”

Delia squeaked and turned around to see Charles grinning at her from the doorway, still dressed in his work clothes. Delia giggled and sashayed across the kitchen as Charles stepped forward and swept her up into a tight embrace. The two exchanged a passionate kiss before Delia pulled away despite Charles’ protests.

“Stop distracting me, you _sexy beast_!” Delia exclaimed. “I’ll end up burning our dinner.”

“I just can’t stop myself when I see you, my _sensual spacegirl_ ,” Charles shot back.

“Ewwwwwwwww, you guys realize that other people live in this house, right?” Lydia mimed gagging as she passed through the hallway beyond the kitchen.

“Oh stop it you!” Delia waved her hand dismissively, shooting the girl and dazzling smile. “Don’t even try to stand in the way of love.”

“Gross.” Lydia deadpanned. “I’ll be in the living room. Please don’t come get me until the sexy talk is over and dinner is ready.”

Charles laughed and shook his head as his daughter walked off, exaggerated gagging noises trailing in her wake.

“It’s good to see her making jokes again.” Charles went to join Delia by the stovetop, slipping his arms around her from behind and resting his chin on her shoulder. “First she lost her mom and then she lost _him_ and both really affected her. Although if I’m being honest, I really can’t understand that second one. Regardless, I’m glad to see her slowly returning to her normal self.”

Delia hummed in agreement. “She’s has had more loss in her life than anyone deserves.”

The pair filled each other in on the events of their days until the soup was ready. Then, as Charles set the table, Delia called for Lydia and the Maitlands. The unconventional family settled down at the table and began to dig into the soup, to a chorus of “mmmmmmm’s” and “yummmm’s.” After Beetlejuice’s departure, the Maitlands obviously were still bound to the house and, despite everything, the Deetzes had grown fond of the odd house with all of its quirks. The two families had naturally eased into cohabitation and everyone had found the situation quite agreeable. Adam and Barbara still had their own space in the attic, but the rest of the house’s common spaces were shared amongst all members of the family. Lydia loved her dad and Delia, but she also found that Adam and Barbara felt more like a cool/dorky aunt and uncle, and there was something different and special about the place they held in her heart. All of the Deetzes also didn’t mind having two extra sets of hands to help with chores and cooking around the house.

Delia was midway through describing an article she had read about the healing powers of turquoise when she was interrupted by a flicker from the overhead lights.

“That’s odd…” Delia mused, gazing up at the lights. She opened her mouth to continue her story, but the lights flickered again and this time they didn’t stop.

“Damn this old house! Sorry Adam and Barbara,” Charles quickly amended glancing at the Maitlands who waved their hands dismissively. “Wiring must be on the fritz again.”

Just as Charles made a move to get to his feet, a gust of wind whipped through the dining room effectively messing everyone’s hair and knocking over the flower vase on the dining table before continuing its howling journey through the rest of the house. 

“What the hell was that?” Lydia gasped; eyes wide.

A rumbling noise began to rise from the direction of the living room that morphed into a creaking groan before rising in pitch to a distinctly female screech. The entire family had their eyes fixed in horror on the doorway leading out of the dining room.

“Everyone stay where you are!” Charles shouted, rising to his feet and cautiously moving toward the living room. Lydia, Delia, and the Maitlands exchanged frightened expressions before unanimously scrambling to rush after Charles in a flurry of scraping chair legs. They caught up with Charles in time to see a red cyclone of smoke and sparks swirling in the middle of their living room. The screeching was definitely emanating from the cyclone and as the family watched in horror, the smoke dissipated to reveal Juno, clothes torn and hair hanging in stringy ropes around her face. And her _face_.

“Oh shit.” Lydia breathed.

Juno’s face was contorted with an inhuman rage and as the smoke finally settled, her shriek broke off as her eyes focused, locking onto the family gathered in front of her.

“ _You,_ ” Juno hissed. “You’re supposed to be in the Netherworld. And you _would_ be too if my _good-for-nothing spawn_ hadn’t _FED ME TO A SANDWORM._ ” Her voice rose to a grating shriek as she took one and then two staggering steps toward the huddled family before her. At Juno’s advance, the Deetzs and Maitlands shuffled backward. Delia had her arms thrown out protectively in front of Lydia and the Maitlands flanked them on either side. Glancing behind them, Charles noticed that the doorway was directly behind them, but as he turned to pull his family through and to safety, Juno snapped her fingers and every door and window in the room disappeared with a thudding sound. Adam let out a whimper at that he reached out, hand scrabbling to find Barbara’s. The family watched in horror as Juno continued to advance, now with no hope of escape. Before Juno could take another step, however, a loud popping noise filled the room, causing the family to wince and cover their ears.

Looking up, hands still over her ears, Lydia’s mouth fell open at the sight of a stripe-clad figure topped with a shock of white hair standing between her family and Juno. _It couldn’t be._ His back was facing the family, but Lydia could see a slight tremor running through his frame as he spared a glance over his shoulder. He locked eyes with Lydia, and she was struck by the emotion she saw there. His eyes were wide, like a rabbit cornered by a fox, but they were also filled with…what? Sorrow? Anger? Regret?

“ _Beetlejuice_ ,” Lydia whispered and she saw the corners of his eyes relax at the sound of his name.

“Well look who decided to show up,” Juno drawled and Beetlejuice’s head snapped back to face her. “Come to feed me to another freak of nature? Oh wait…I forgot _….that’s what YOU are!”_

Giving a little shake and straightening up, Beetlejuice feigned nonchalance as he shifted his weight onto one hip and lifted his nails, still painted in chipping black polish, pretending to be all consumed with examining them. In a calm, definitely not wavery at all voice he said, “Oh hey, ma. Didn’t see ya there. How was hell?”

Juno fumed at him as the Deetzes and Maitlands looked on in horror. Was he _trying_ to provoke her?

“ _I don’t have time for this shit._ Lawrence, you can either step aside so I can deal with these pests or you can suffer the consequences.” Juno took a step closer to Beetlejuice who crossed his arms to hide the tremors that kept running through them. “Either way, I’m going to deal with you later. Don’t think you’re getting out of this so easy.”

Beetlejuice stomped his foot, causing Juno to pause where she stood and the huddled family to jump. He balled his fists and straightened his arms by his sides. Tossing his head dramatically, he spoke in an exaggerated tone. “ _No_ , mom. That’s right, I said it. Why do you even care what happens to these people? Why sully your title of _Executive Director of the Offices of the Netherworld_ by personally exacting revenge on a couple of humans and spooks not worth your time?”

Juno narrowed her eyes at Beetlejuice who was working very hard to maintain eye contact and a straight back, fighting the urge to cave in on himself instinctively.

“In case my point wasn’t clear, I think I’ll get a little help from my dear friend Gloria Gaynor,” Beetlejuice threw one of his hands in the air with a flourish and the room was filled with an ascending scale of piano keys. Behind him, Lydia felt a smile tugging at her lips despite herself. This was the Beetlejuice she had remembered. Then, in what was no surprise to everyone present, Beetlejuice began to sing; raspy, but amazingly on-key.

_At first I was afraid, I was petrified  
Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side  
But then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong  
And I grew strong  
And I learned how to get along_

Beetlejuice clapped twice and four clones sprang out of the walls and began bobbing excitedly around Juno as Beetlejuice proceeded to wave his arms and gyrate his hips in disco-reminiscent dance moves. Juno sputtered in anger and confusion as Beetlejuice plowed ahead.

_And so you're back  
From Sandy space  
I just walked in to find you here with that mean-ass look upon your face  
I should have locked you up in hell, I should have thrown away the key  
If I'd known for just one second you'd be back to bother me_

The clones closed in on Juno who struggled to keep them at bay as they attempted to grab her arms and force her into their dance circle. While Juno was distracted, Beetlejuice slipped past the clones to the far wall and pulled a piece of chalk from his pocket. Quickly drawing a door frame on the wall, he knocked three times and the door creaked open to reveal the familiar green glow of the Netherworld.

Juno finally managed to throw the clones off her and turned to face Beetlejuice with a snarl. Beetlejuice stepped to the side of the door and finally hit the climax of his musical performance, arms splayed wide and feet kicking at regular intervals.

_Go on now, go, walk out the door_  
_Just please fuck off now_  
_'Cause you're not welcome anymore_

On that last line, Beetlejuice gave a slight nod to one of the clones that had recovered from Juno’s assault. The clone grinned and gave Juno a solid shove to the middle of her back, hurtling her forward and into the gaping doorway. Beetlejuice ran with lightning speed and slammed the door closed, pressing his back to it before slowly sliding down to the floor. The music sputtered out with a discordant crash, and Beetlejuice closed his eyes, face pale and hair fading to a greyish purple. The doors and windows that Juno had sealed shut rematerialized and the clones disappeared in soft puffs of green smoke with a sound like a deflating baloon.

“ _Phew_. Well that should keep her away for at least a few days. The Netherworld employees are going to be on her in minutes with piles of paperwork she missed while she was sandworm food. I think Miss Argentina will probably try to keep her away from us as well.” Letting out a shuddering exhale, Beetlejuice’s eyes rolled open to see the Deetzes and Maitlands gaping at him.

“Oh hey guys….uhhhh sorry about that. Didn’t plan on having my family reunion at your place, but ya know…when has my mom ever listened to what I want?” He struggled to his feet, legs still feeling like damn jelly underneath him. “Well, this is awkward. I guess I’ll just…uh…be on my way then.”

Before Beetlejuice could make a move, Lydia was snapped out of her trance and yelled, “Beetlejucie!” Without thinking, she ran at the demon and threw her arms around his midsection. Beetlejuice stiffened at the sudden contact, eyes wide and panicked. He struggled to free himself from Lydia’s grip, accidently shoving her away with more force than he intended in his panic. Lydia stumbled backward. The two stood, eyeing each other with equal measures of confusion, fear, and pain written across their features.

“Lydia….” Beetlejuice trailed off unsure how to proceed. _Wow, not knowing what to say?_ That was new for him.

“Beetlejuice, I’m sorry,” Lydia filled in. “I…I don’t know how to say this. I’m sorry for springing that hug on you just now…I guess I should have asked or given you warning or something. But I’m also sorry for so much more than that too…and….I just….please don’t leave?”

Beetlejuice’s stance softened and the panic drained from his face. He looked more confused and wary as his attention switched from Lydia to her family behind her and back to the girl. “Hey, it’s okay scarecrow. I was just surprised that’s all. I mean, last time I saw you, you literally stabbed me in the back and I had just tried to kill your family, so forgive me if I’m a little suspicious of a hug.”

As the last bit of what Lydia had said sunk in, Beetlejuice furrowed his brow. “Wait…..you don’t want me to leave? Have you asked your them about that?” Beetlejuice nodded at Charles, Delia, and the Maitlands, “Because last I remember, none of them were my biggest fans.”

As Beetlejuice nervously fidgeted with his striped suit, Lydia turned to face the adults.

“No. Absolutely not.” Charles firmly shook his head. “That man…that _creature_ forced you to marry him and practically killed the rest of us.” Beetlejuice flinched at the word “creature.” He knew Charles didn’t like him, but he hadn’t quite realized the extent of his anger.

“Dad, c’mon! Don’t you think it would be a good chance to talk things through with him?” Lydia pleaded.

“No! Why do we need to talk things through with him? He should just leave and never enter our lives again.” Charles shot a glare at the demon. Beetlejuice resisted the urge to flip him off, figuring that probably wouldn’t help his case.

“Have you already forgotten what happened last time we avoided talking about something as a family?” Lydia almost shouted at her father. Charles stiffened at her words. His refusal to talk to Lydia about Emily and his absence throughout her grieving had almost driven Lydia to take her own life. Guilt crept into his chest and his expression softened.

“Lydia….I’m sorry. I guess I wasn’t thinking about it that way.” He admitted softly as Delia came up beside him and took his hand. Adam and Barbara exchanged a glance and decided now was a good a time as any to add in their two cents.

“Beetlejuice….Adam and I would like to be able to talk things through with you as well.” Barbara nodded when Beetlejuice looked at her in surprise, eyebrows almost reaching his hairline. There was silence for a moment.

“Nope. Not buying it,” Beetlejuice shook his head furiously. Should he have come here after all? Were they just all messing with him? Why on earth would they want to have a heart-to-heart with him? Like…. _ewwww_.

“Listen, Beetlejuice,” Adam chimed in. “You definitely did some _seriously_ messed up stuff last month. But…so did we.” At this, Beetlejuice perked up, eyeing the ghost with barely concealed interest. “Past aside, you just saved our asses, and I think it would be good for all of us to have time to process what happened between us.”

“Wow, Adam…you kiss your wife with that mouth?” Beetlejuice teased, coaxing a blush from Adam, which made Beetlejuice feel….. _feelings_. “I’d love to see the other things you can do with it.”

“I see _some_ things are still the same,” Adam quipped, rolling his eyes at the flirtation. Despite the fact that Beetlejuice’s advances often involved a disregard for boundaries, Adam almost felt a weird _nostalgia_ as he was reminded of the demon they had first met. Besides, Adam had quickly picked up on the pattern that Beetlejuice usually used his flirtations and sexual remarks as a way to deflect attention or alleviate the tension of a situation.

“Well then!” Delia clapped her hands with a tight smile on her face. “It sounds like we all agree that a time to really get out feeling out in the open will be beneficial for everyone. May I just interject one thing? It’s already after ten o’clock and I know that I for one am rarely any good at having difficult conversations when I’m tired. I’m not sure about you all….” Delia trailed off glancing around the room at the weary faces looking back at her, “but may I suggest that this baring of souls wait until tomorrow? It’s a Saturday, so we can all afford to take time out of our day.”

Beetlejuice, who was feeling beyond drained by the events of the day thus far, could have kissed Delia right then, and probably would have, if he hadn’t remembered the reactions of Adam and Barbara when he had done that to them. No, kissing was definitely a no-go with this family.

“Sure, that’s actually a really good idea, Delia,” Lydia nodded in agreement. “Beej? What do you think? You up to wait a bit?”

“Yeah, kid. I’m not sure about the readers, but I need to rest before I can dive back into more of this angst.” Beetlejuice responded. Lydia gave him a quizzical look but didn’t have the energy to question the demon’s strange speech patterns. Shuffling sideways toward the front door, Beetlejuice continued, “So I’ll see you all in the morning I guess? There’s a cemetery not too far from here, right? Should be able to get a halfway decent nap in there.”

“Don’t be ridiculous!” Delia scoffed causing Beetlejuice to flinch and halt his creep toward the door. “You can stay in our spare bedroom! Right, family?” She looked pointedly at Charles. The Maitlands and Lydia were already nodding their consent and, outnumbered, Charles sighed his concession.

“Do I have your word that you will not murder any of us in our sleep?” Charles asked Beetlejuice with a stern look.

Beetlejuice rolled his eyes as if Charles had just asked him if vodka makes you drunk. “Well, _duh_. Literally, I just saved your asses. Why the fuck would I kill you in your sleep?”

Not sure if the question was rhetorical, Charles simply nodded, at least mostly convinced that the demon was sincere.

“C’mon,” Lydia beckoned to Beetlejuice. “I’ll show you where the room is.”

Beetlejuice didn’t move. Was this really happening? Lydia had begun walking toward the staircase and when she glanced back to see him frozen in place, she beckoned again, impatiently. “Let’s go, slug.” Beetlejuice let out a snort at the nickname, but followed Lydia as she led the way upstairs, the Maitlands trailing several paces behind them.

Once the pair were out of earshot, Charles turned to Delia with a worried expression. “I don’t know about this Delia…this whole situation makes me nervous.”

Delia ran her hand through Charles’ hair. “Darling, you saw what he did for us tonight. I don’t think we have to worry about him hurting us tonight.”

Fears quelled for the time being, Charles followed Delia as she led the way to their bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are so many songs that I would kill to see Beetlejuice karaoke...just sayin.
> 
> Hope y'all enjoyed! Comments are always amazing, so let me know your thoughts <3


	4. Feelings are uncomfy and rules are for losers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The family and Beetlejuice finally have some long-overdue conversations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for the chapter:  
> \- Brief use of homophobic language and a homophobic slur  
> \- Allusions to past non-consensual sexual situations (no details are given though)

“Here it is!” Lydia threw open the guest room door with a flourish. For a moment, Beetlejuice was overcome with confusing emotions as he took in the room that the family was offering him for the night. It was just so damn _homey._ He couldn’t comprehend the reasons behind their kind gesture and it also wasn’t like he’d had many rooms this cozy and quaint at his disposal in the past. The guest room wasn’t fancy by any means, but it was nice. A simple double bed with a blue duvet, dresser, closet, and a few questionable interior decoration choices that spoke to Delia’s influence on the room. However, Beetlejuice’s chest felt tight as he stepped into the room after Lydia.

She threw herself onto the bed, bouncing several times as if testing out the comfort of the mattress. “So yeah…you need anything for the night?”

Beetlejuice smirked and began, “I mean, there are those two sexy ghosts up in the attic that—” but Lydia cut him off before he could finish his likely inappropriate comment.

“Okay, I’ll stop you right there. _Gross_. I meant like pajamas or a toothbrush, ya creep,” Lydia pushed herself off the bed with an exaggerated eye roll.

“Nawww, I’m good scarecrow,” Beetlejuice responded. “I’m dead, remember? Tooth decay is a battle that was lost long ago.”

“Okay, but like, for the sake of your breath, you might wanna think about picking up that particular habit,” Lydia said with a shrug. Beetlejuice inhaled deeply and exhaled loudly directly into Lydia’s face, causing the girl to gag and beat a hasty retreat toward the door.

As an afterthought, she turned back to face the demon and asked again, “You sure you don’t want any pajamas?”

Beetlejuice snapped his fingers and his striped suit transformed into a striped button-down sleep shirt and pajama pants. He didn’t actually own any other pairs of clothing, but he could at least create the illusion of clothing changes.

Lydia giggled, “Wow, you look a lot less like a threatening demon from the Netherworld when you’re in grandpa pajamas.”

“Hey now! Don’t knock my aesthetic,” Beetlejuice glared at Lydia, but there was no actual malice behind the look. Lydia’s gaze scanned up from Beetlejuice’s face and she smiled softly at the pale shade of green that was gradually seeping its way into the roots of his hair. Beetlejuice went a bit cross-eyed trying to see what Lydia was looking at.

“So your hair is related to your moods, huh?” Lydia speculated. It was something she had suspicions about before, but the rapid changes she had seen throughout the evening further solidified her hunch.

Beetlejuice rubbed both hands viciously through his hair. Why did the damn stuff always have to give him away? “Well, it’s not exactly _supposed_ to. I mean, mom’s hair never does this, but for some reason I just _have_ to wear my mind on my sleeve…er..on my head, that is.”

“It’s cute,” Lydia squinched her face into a teasing pout and Beetlejuice let out a disgusted snort.

“Call me cute one more time and you _will_ find a nest of spiders in your pillow tonight,” he warned, lowering his chin to level a stern glare at Lydia.

Lydia snorted out a laugh. Not exactly the result he’d been going for. But what was he expecting? Lydia was weird enough that she would probably _love_ having a spider’s nest in her pillow.

Silence settled over the room and Lydia shifted her weight between her feet. She seemed to be deciding whether or not to say something. Finally, she spat it out.

“Beej….can I hug you goodnight?”

Beetlejuice didn’t respond at first. He hadn’t enjoyed the shock of their first hug of the night, but now that Lydia was asking his permission, he realized that a hug didn’t actually sound that bad. He gave a slight nod and within seconds, Lydia had wrapped her arms gently around his waist, the side of her face pressed to his chest. After getting over the startle of contact from another being, Beetlejuice’s brain finally succeeded in telling his arms to return the hug and the two of them, human teen and millennia-old demon, stood, chests rising and falling gently in silence. After a small eternity, Lydia pulled back.

“I’m glad you’re back.” She poked him in the stomach. “I missed you.”

Beetlejuice tweaked her nose. Then, coughing and clearing his throat a bit, replied, “I uh…missed you too.”

“See you in the morning then, dork.”

“Later, nerd.”

Laying back on the plush mattress, Beetlejuice felt wide awake. Despite the exhaustion filling his body like a lead balloon, his mind was racing and would not let him sleep.

His mom was back.

She had tried to hurt the Deetzes and the Maitlands and he, _Beetlejuice_ , had come to their rescue. He had stood up to his mom, the scariest person he knew, to protect the people who had tricked him and killed him a month ago. He certainly had a penchant for caring about people who didn’t care for him back, huh?

His brow furrowed as he replayed his conversation with Lydia. She really seemed genuinely glad to see him and she had said she was sorry. So maybe it hadn’t been as much of a mistake to come back to the house as he originally thought. He was sorry too, for everything, but why was it so goddamn _hard_ for him to admit that? Even if he could admit it, he didn’t knew there wasn’t a chance in hell that the rest of Lydia’s family would ever consider forgiving him.

Rolling onto his side, Beetlejuice curled into a crescent moon shape, hugging the duvet to his chest in bunches until it formed a squishy mass for him to curl around. He nuzzled his face into the blankets and let the sounds of the house wash over him in slow, gentle waves. The house seemed to breathe with the silent life of nighttime. Gentle creaks of floorboards settling. Rattling hum of the furnace. Tap tap tapping of raindrops hitting the roof and windowpanes. An owl hooting from a distant wood.

A knocking at his door.

Beetlejuice started with a snort. Groaning, he lifted his head, momentarily bewildered by his surroundings. The knock sounded again and, finding his voice, Beetlejuice croaked, “Yeah?”

The door cracked open and Lydia’s head appeared. “Mornin’ bed bug! If you want to join, we’re gonna eat some breakfast in about half an hour. Then maybe we can all talk after that? What do you think?”

Throwing the covers off with a groan, Beetlejuice floated up off the bed to hover several feet above the mattress. He stretched dramatically, a series of cracks and pops issuing from his body. Lydia watched this entire show with a less-than-impressed expression. Yawning and smacking his lips he finally responded, “Okay, I’ll be there. Suppose I have to face the jury at some point.”

“This isn’t just for us, ya goon,” Lydia was now leaning in the doorframe. She was (surprisingly for a Saturday morning) already fully dressed in a loose fitting short-sleeved black dress and black knee-high socks with lace trimming around the top. “This is a chance for you to express your feelings as well. We put you through some stuff as well and I think it will be good for all of us to talk about that. _Some_ of us,” Lydia coughed “ _my dad_ ” aggressively into her fist before speaking normally again, “have a tendency to just _not talk about things_ in the hopes that the problems will go away.”

“I’m not exactly good at the whole _feelings_ thing myself Lyds, I think you know that,” Beetlejuice eyed her skeptically.

“Well, then. This will be a perfect time to practice then, huh?” Lydia turned with a flounce and practically skipped down the hall.

Beetlejuice whined in exasperation but landed on the floorboards with a soft thump. Snapping his fingers, he was back in his stripped suit as normal. As he took a step towards the door, he felt the familiar pinging in his mind that signaled a guide. He mentally silenced the alarm and happily ignored it. One benefit of being on the run from your mom, who is also your boss, is that if she already wants to kill you, shirking your job commitments can’t do too much extra harm, right?

Opening his door and peering out into the hallway, Beetlejuice spotted a doorway through which he caught a glimpse white porcelain and tiles. After glancing both ways to make sure none of the other household residents were nearby, he tiptoed to the bathroom, flicking on the light switch and closing the door softly after himself.

Normally, Beetlejuice put as little effort into his appearance as he could. What was the point in making himself look nice? In his experience, those sorts of efforts only earned him ridicule. His mother’s words still echoed in his mind.

_What do you think you’re doing, preening like that, Lawrence? Vanity is a waste of time. Only sluts and homos put that much effort into their appearance, and I will not have people thinking I have a faggot for a son. Demons are supposed to be scary, not pretty._

Looking at his reflection, Beetlejuice felt a slight shiver of revulsion. Dark shadows rested under his eyes and the usual scattering of moss and permanent bruising spread along his temples and jawline. His hair was a nervous shade of yellow and stuck up from his head at odd angles. Setting his jaw in resolve, Beetlejuice turned on the hot faucet and waited for the water to warm. Despite himself, he wanted the Deetzes and Maitlands to realize that he _was_ actually trying to be better. Even though it went against everything that had been engrained in him from childhood, he thought that cleaning himself up a bit might be a way to show them that he had changed.

For the next several minutes, he splashed his face with the warm water, relishing the sensation that he had almost completely forgotten. Adding a little soap into the mix, at least most of the moss and grime sloughed off, but the dark circles under his eyes and the bruising remained. Finger still wet, Beetlejuice combed them through his hair, attempting to calm the wild tangles. This effort was all but useless, and he quickly gave up, wondering whether his actions had really made any positive impact at all. Oh well, that was as good as it was going to get for the time being. With a shrug, Beetlejuice slipped back out of the bathroom and made his way down the hall to the staircase.

Following the scent of frying potatoes down the stairs and hallway to the kitchen, Beetlejuice slipped into his usual character as he strode into the kitchen with an, “Okay, _now_ the party can get started.”

Charles glanced up from the morning paper he was reading at the table. Adam stood by the stovetop pushing the hash browns around in the pan with Barbara leaning against the counter by his side. Delia was midway through passing a stack of plates to Lydia who was setting the table.

Adam’s eyebrows shot up as he studied the demon. “Beetlejuice….wow, you look….did you…wash your face?”

“I didn’t do it for you, hotcakes,” Beetlejuice winked. “Just…ya know…got tired of leaving stains on every set of sheets I sleep on,” he deflected. At this, Delia let out an involuntary whimper as she contemplated the fate of her guest sheets.

“It’s not a bad look on you,” Lydia quirked a corner of her mouth.

“What’s cookin?” Beetlejuice diverted the attention of the conversation away from himself.

“Hash browns, coffee, and fresh fruit,” Barbara supplied as Delia finally passed the plates off to Lydia who set them out around the table. At Lydia’s request, Beetlejuice stepped in to help her finish setting the table. Adam declared the hash browns finished and carried them over to the table, scooping servings onto each plate. Barbara placed the large bowl of colorful fruit salad in the center of the table and then the family members settled down into their regular seats. Beetlejuice eyed the empty chair that had been placed between Lydia and Barbara warily before finally plopping down after receiving an aggressive nod from Lydia.

The busy hum that had filled the kitchen during the meal preparation was replaced by a tense silence as each person at the table focused on chewing mouthfuls of breakfast. No one seemed to know what to say or want to be the one to break the silence. Beetlejuice couldn’t help but feel a panic rise in his chest because this awkwardness was all his fault and what was he doing here and he should just leave and—

Charles cleared his throat, effectively breaking the tension that filled the room and gaining the attention of ten pairs of eyes.

“I know this conversation is meant to be a time for people to air their dirty laundry, as it were, but there is another matter at hand that I was hoping we could address first.” Charles glanced around the table; brow furrowed. “Mr. Juice…” (this caused Lydia to snort orange juice out her nose and quickly press her napkin to her face), “we all thought your mother was dead, and then she appears in our living room? I mean, we saw her get _eaten by a giant two-headed snake thing_! Would you mind explaining what exactly has happened here and whether that woman will continue to pose a threat to this family in the future?”

Beetlejuice shifted uncomfortably in his chair, picking up his fork and tapping it repeatedly into his other palm. “Uh yeah…about that. So, ummmm, as it turns out, demons can’t really die. I mean, _I_ died, but that was only because I was living at the time.” These words hung uncomfortably in the air for several weighty seconds, before Beetlejuice broke the silence again to continue.

“So yeah, feeding my mom to a sandworm did put her out of commission for a time, but when a demon is discorporated, it’s only a matter of time before they uh…regenerate again. They also, uh, regenerate in the same spot they were discorporated,” Beetlejuice’s voice became quieter as he sped through the last part of the sentence.

“Wait….so you mean to tell us that you _knew_ your mother would reappear in our house eventually and you _didn’t warn us??_ ” Charles exclaimed indignantly, thumping his fist down on the table, fork gripped tightly in his hand.

“Geez, Chuckles, give a guy a break,” Beetlejuice raised his hands defensively, but a greyish purple was rapidly sweeping through his hair. “I honestly kind of forgot. I was sort of distracted at the time…and then sort of distracted for the next several weeks. Turns out a lot of _special friends_ missed me while I was gone from the netherworld, if you catch my drift.”

“Oh we do.” Charles glared at the demon; lips pressed together into a disapproving line.

“I also wasn’t exactly eager to show up in your house again,” Beetlejuice mumbled, plucking at the prongs of his fork with a fingernail. “Figured you’d try to kill me again the second I showed up.”

Trying to diffuse the heavy silence that followed this remark, Delia chimed in, “So you sent your mother back to the Netherworld, right? So how long will she stay there? Can she still come back? _Will_ she still come back?”

“That’s the _problem,_ Dana,” Beetlejuice huffed. “I really don’t know how long she’ll stay down there. Thankfully there was so much chaos in the Netherworld after her disappearance that she’ll have a shit-load of paperwork and anal-retentive ghost secretaries to deal with, which will be hard for her to dodge. But that’s not gonna keep her chained up forever and if I know one thing about that woman, it’s that she sure can hold a grudge. Point is, she’s def coming after me, ya’ll, or all of us sooner or later.”

There was silence after this declaration. Lydia’s brow was furrowed and Adam and Barbara exchanged worried glances as Barbara took Adam’s hand in hers.

“So what do we do?” Lydia spoke up, action-oriented as usual. “We need to figure out a way to deal with the bitch if and when she comes back, right? Beej, does Juno have any weaknesses we can exploit?”

“Trust me, kiddo. If she did, _I_ wouldn’t be the person she would tell them about. Nope, I’m as clueless on this as you are. Just more used to dealing with it.” Beetlejuice absently ran a thumb over the stubble on his chin.

“I have an idea…” Lydia ventured. “Some of you aren’t going to like it, but to me it seems like the best option we’ve got, so hear me out: Beetlejuice continues to live with us and together we figure out how to get Juno to leave us alone.”

“Are you _crazy_?” Charles exclaimed, before stopping to calm himself when Delia smacked him gently on the arm. “I’m sorry, Lydia, it’s just that he’s got a target on his back and doesn’t keeping him around put us in danger?”

“Charles, _we_ have targets on _our_ back too,” Adam spoke up softly. “If Beetlejuice leaves, Juno could decide to attack _us_ just as easily as she could try to go after _him_. The only reason we’re all still in one piece after her attack yesterday is because Beetlejuice was there. If she comes back for us, I think our best shot at survival will be if Beetlejuice stays with us and agrees to defend us.” Adam locked eyes with Beetlejuice. Was Adam actually asking for his help? Beetlejuice fought back the urge to immediately and vigorously vow his undying assistance, because that was _definitely_ not a cool look.

“He’s right, honey,” Delia placed her hand on Charles’ shoulder. “Beetlejuice is our best source of protection right now.”

After a thoughtful pause, Charles sighed in defeat. “Alright, I see what you’re putting down and I have no choice but to pick it up. Beetlejuice stays. That is, if that’s alright with him?”

All faces turned to Beetlejuice whose hair flushed a violent green. “Hells yeah, I’ll cover your asses! In more ways than one, if ya want,” he added, winking at Adam and Barbara. The former turning a deep shade of maroon and the later looking thoroughly unimpressed. “I’ll stay with you as long as nobody stabs me again.”

“I think Beetlejuice raises a good point that _all_ of us probably have some _boundaries_ and _ground rules_ we would like respected,” Barbara looked meaningfully in Beetlejuice’s direction at the word “boundaries.” She continued, “Maybe we can all name a few dealbreakers for our cohabitation situation.”

“Ugh, rules are for losers,” Beetlejuice felt obligated to declare to maintain his image, but he didn’t protest any more beyond that, because the family was actually _listening_ to what he said and taking his worries seriously. Maybe if they were willing to do that for him, it made it worth it for him to follow their dumb rules too.

“You hypocrite!” Lydia gasped in mock offense. “Weren’t you the one so adamant about following the ghost rules like ‘don’t leave the house?’ And besides, the rules will be good for _all_ of us, you turd. I’ll start. Here’s an important one, considering our history: _no lying_. Little white lies are okay, probably. Like, if Delia asks me if her hairdo looks like a termite mound, I can say ‘no’ to not hurt her feelings.” At this, Delia launched a blueberry from her spoon across the table at Lydia who ducked in time to miss the projectile. Regaining composure, Lydia continued, “But we all need to be honest about the important stuff. Clear?”

There were assenting murmurs from around the table and Beetlejuice nodded solemnly and crossed his heart when Lydia’s searching eyes met his.

“Ooh, wait this is good! We need to get these rules in writing,” Delia announced. “Alexa! Create a list titled ‘house rules.’” A pleasant chiming that seemed to fill the whole room acknowledged her request, and a voice responded, “Okay, I have created a list titled ‘house rules.’ Would you like to add items to this list?” At the sound of the voice, Beetlejuice whipped his head around, searching for the source, causing Lydia to burst into a fit of giggles.

Beetlejuice glared at her, unsure why she seemed to be laughing at him. Looking around the table suspiciously, he asked, “Barbara, was that you? You’ve gotten better at throwing your voice while I was away.”

By this point, everyone else at the table had joined in on Lydia’s laughter and between guffaws, Barbara managed to choke out, “No BJ, it’s a technology assistant. It’s not a real person. Just a robot.”

At this, Beetlejuice perked up. “A robot! Oh _cool_. I met a robot one time that could do things with its little claw-hand thingies you would not believe.”

“I sense we’re getting off topic,” Delia cut in, quelling her own laughter. “Alexa, create list items ‘no stabbing’ and ‘no lying.’ What else, fam?”

“No unwanted sexual advances!” Barbara raised her hand.

“Both physical and verbal,” Adam chimed in.

Delia added them to the list.

Beetlejuice felt surprise at how easily those items had been added without any objections or questions from anyone. He had picked up on the fact that Adam and Barbara didn’t seem to like it when he touched them and stuff, but in his experience, sexy touching was just one of those things that you didn’t get a say in. He thought it was just universally acknowledged that if you didn’t like it, you had to stop it yourself. That’s what he usually had to do anyway. He felt a sick feeling settle in the pit of his stomach. Was that not normal? This family didn’t seem to think so. Beetlejuice was dragged out of his spiraling thoughts by Charles voice.

“In addition to no stabbing, I think we need to establish that bodily harm of any kind will not be tolerated.” Charles spoke up. “Also add no permanent damage to the house or furnishings.”

After a small silence, Delia said, “Well, that seems like a really good starting point. Why don’t we shelve this for the time being and we can add more to it as issues arise? Also, any time someone is acting in a way that violates one of the rules we can just say, ‘Hey Alexa, read the house rules for me, girl!’” The device chimed and the sultry robotic voice repeated the rules they had just created back to them. When she finished reading the last item, Delia dabbed and said, “See! It’s a perfect system. Accountability is rad!”

Lydia groaned at this and rolled her eyes so violently that Beetlejuice worried they might get stuck facing the back of her skull.

As silence settled over the table once more, Lydia ventured, “Should we maybe talk about what happened now?”

The sickly feeling in Beetlejuice’s stomach swirled at her words. This was it. He had to do it. He was terrified that after hearing his apology, the family would finally come to the conclusion that they should just kick him out already, but he still knew he had to at least try. Unable to sit still, Beetlejuice shoved his chair back, standing abruptly. Fidgeting repeatedly with his cuffs, he said, “Can I maybe go first? It’s just…..I…..fuck. I’m not exactly good at this kind of stuff, so I really need to get it out.” His question was greeted with nods, so he plowed ahead.

“So I did a fuck ton of stupid things last month. I was overexcited and tried to force friendships where I should have just left space. I purposefully deceived you guys for my own benefit. I…I nearly exorcised Babs and I thought I could handle being human, but then I lost control and almost killed Chuck just because I was feeling emotionally overwhelmed.” He paused, pressing a hand to his chest as he took a shuddering breath. “I forced my way into your lives and I fucked up every part of them that I came in contact with and I’m—” He choked suddenly as though someone had their hands around his neck. He managed to inhale sharply and forced out, “I’m sorry. Fuck….I am _so sorry_.”

He stood before them taking quick shallow breaths, eyes wild. Adam and Barbara stared at him with furrowed brows and unreadable expressions. Delia had a hand pressed to her mouth and tears shimmered in the corners of her eyes. Charles’ mouth hung slightly open, a surprised expression resting on his softened features. Slowly, Lydia rose from her chair and approached Beetlejuice opening her arms tentatively. Beetlejuice visibly deflated and nearly collapsed into Lydia’s arms. He wrapped his arms tightly around her, pressing his check to the top of her head. They remained like that until the trembling in Beetlejuice’s arms subsided. As Lydia pulled away, Beetlejuice hurriedly ran his sleeve across his face and sniffed before sinking quickly back into his chair.

“Thank you, Beetlejuice,” Barbara spoke tenderly. “We trust that you really are sorry for what you did and we hope that all of us can move forward from the events of the past. We have apologies we need to make as well, though.” At this Beetlejuice looked up in surprise. What? This wasn’t how he imagined this whole “get feelings out in the open” thing would go. Obviously, their actions had hurt him, but he totally deserved them, right? Why were they apologizing?

“Beetlejuice, Adam and I have come to seriously regret the way we took advantage of your feelings for us. We were manipulative, in truth. We know how much that hurts,” she made eye contact with Adam, “and we are very sorry that we resorted to that. Do you think you can forgive us?”

Beetlejuice was speechless. They were asking for his _forgiveness_? As if they wanted to attempt to _repair_ the damages between them? He wouldn’t let himself hope for anything or read into it too much. He couldn’t be let down like that again. “Uhh, yeah…of course I forgive you guys,” he mumbled, still not fully understanding why they felt they needed his forgiveness. As he spoke, his hair blushed a light green, which made both Barbara and Adam break into relieved smiles.

“Okay, my turn,” Lydia cleared her throat. “So, to start out with, many of my actions were in self-defense or in defense of the people I love, so I feel that they were kinda justified. I will say though, that we all took things a bit far and I _am_ sorry for the way the things we did hurt you, Beej. Until you turned all monster maniac, you were, like, my best friend. So, obviously I didn’t want to hurt you. You kinda gave us no choice though, buddy.” Beetlejuice lowered his gaze and nodded at this. He felt a small measure of relief that Lydia had some anger about the events. In her anger, he sensed honesty.

“I actually have a question on this topic,” Charles interjected. “Mr. Juice, why _did_ you turn all ‘monster maniac’ as Lydia put it? From what she has said, you two were like peas in a pod until you weren’t. What happened?”

Beetlejuice tapped his fingers against the table. “I’ve never really had great anger management, so when Lydia said we weren’t friends, I guess I sort of lost it.”

Lydia looked at him in surprise. “I never said we weren’t friends! What are you talking about?”

“That!” Beetlejuice pointed at her. “That’s exactly what you said to me. I said ‘but I thought we were pals’ and you said ‘what are you talking about?’”

Lydia blinked at him in confusion. Then, realization dawned.

“That’s not what I meant, you idiot,” Lydia said without a hint of malice in her tone. “I meant that our friendship had nothing to do with me wanting to find my mom. I could still be your friend _and_ want to find my mom. Those things weren’t mutually exclusive…that’s why I was confused.”

Beetlejuice stared at her blank faced. “Well, shit. I guess clearing that up sooner would have saved us all a lot of trouble.”

The weight of that potential alternate sequence of events settled heavily in the room for a few moments.

Finally, Delia cautiously began, “What I’m about to say is going to sound very ‘life coach’ so bear with me. It’s nice to imagine what could have happened, but the reality is that isn’t what happened. So, I think that the healthiest course of action is to make amends for the past that _did_ happen and try to move forward.”

“You’re right, darling,” Charles placed a kiss to Delia’s temple, “and we value your wisdom.”

As the family shuffled to begin gathering up the breakfast dishes, Beetlejuice watched in surprise. Was that really it? He had expected a lot more yelling and throwing things and yet it seemed that the family before him was content with the fruits of their conversation. After a brief hesitation, Beetlejuice finally let himself relax into the gentle glow of resolved tensions and amends made, for the time being.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, Juno's a piece of shit, but we already knew this, right?
> 
> Also, while working on this fic, I created a playlist of songs that fit the vibe and the characters and stuff and holy shit, why does "One Week" by Barenaked Ladies fit so well???


	5. Time to put the “emo” in “demon”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam and Barbara discuss some feelings and Lydia introduces Beetlejuice to good music.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy a short chapter of fluff :)

After the breakfast conversation, matters seemed settled enough that the family decided to spend the rest of the day in their own ways. Charles and Delia escaped to the garden patio, taking advantage of the unusually warm spring weather. Adam and Barbara, deciding to leave Beetlejuice and Lydia alone for a while, went up to the attic to collaborate on a refurbishing commission Adam had received the previous week. The beauty of the internet was that Lydia had helped Adam set up a Facebook profile for a personal refurbishing business and no one ever realized that, after they dropped their antiques off at the house on the hill, they were being polished and pampered by a ghost.

Adam and Barbara had quickly grown bored at the lack of excitement in their lives in the weeks following their deaths, so they were thrilled at the prospect of hobbies that doubled as online business ventures. Adam had his refurbishing and Barbara had begun selling her soldered jewelry on Etsy. Both businesses were booming, and the ghosts seemed quite content with their new occupations.

As Adam uncovered the chest of drawers and Barbara grabbed the oil and rags, she commented, “It’s not so bad having him back, is it?”

Adam shrugged. “I guess not. He does seem to be genuinely sorry for his actions. And Lydia is certainly over the moon. I’m glad that she’s happy. Although, if I’m being honest, I’m more than a little worried about their combined chaotic energy and the havoc it’s going to wreak.”

Barbara laughed but then grew quiet the more she thought over Adam’s words. “Oh my, I guess that _is_ a genuine concern. I guess we’d better try and keep an eye on them to make sure they don’t burn down the house or something.”

Adam chuckled and assessed the set of drawers, mentally creating a checklist of the various repairs it would require. “Beetlejuice seems different in some ways. I don’t want to jinx anything, but it almost seems like he may have learned some things from everything that happened last month. He seems…well, better I guess. He’s still aggressively flirtatious as usual though.”

“Yeah, I have a feeling that will be a hard habit for him to break,” Barbara rolled her eyes. “Hopefully the rules will help with that, though.”

“Mhm. You’ve probably noticed this too, but the flirtation is usually a way for him to deflect attention or avoid serious conversations. I don’t know if he does it just to make people uncomfortable or if it’s a fear of intimacy and being known thing, but regardless, I really feel like it’s less about actual sexual advances.”

“You know, now that you say that, I can totally see it,” Barbara mused. Adam unscrewed the cap on the bottle of oil and doused both rags, handing one to Barbara who began to work the oil into the front of one of the drawers.

Barbara glanced up at Adam with a mischievous smirk. “For writing his flirtations off as a deflection tool, you still seem to get pretty flustered by them. You wanna talk about that?”

Turning pink, Adam rubbed the back of his neck. “I mean, I know it’s deflection and just messing with us and all, but…I don’t know…I guess I always get flustered when someone attractive flirts with me.”

“Aha!” Barbara slapped her rag against the drawer she had by now abandoned polishing. “So you _do_ find Beetlejuice attractive!”

Adam huffed. “I mean, yeah sure, he’s good looking alright? You happy?”

Barbara laughed and reached behind Adam’s neck to pull him in for a kiss.

“Hmmmm, thank you for your honesty, my beautiful idiot,” Barbara murmured against his lips. “He is pretty cute, especially without the extra layer of moss, huh?”

Adam chuckled softly. “He could still afford to brush his teeth though. Remind me to ask Delia if she has an extra toothbrush for him.”

“Man, I feel like I’ve had—enough vulnerability and—gut-spilling for at least—the next ten years,” Beetlejuice spoke haltingly as he bounced up and down on Lydia’s bed. The teen snorted at him from where she was rummaging through a desk drawer. “Here are all my—regrets! Yes, thank you,—thank you. Hold your applause,— _please_! Now, if it’s—all right with all—of you, I’d like to—pretend that none of this—ever happened!” On his last bounce, Beetlejuice tucked his legs up and dropped into a cross-legged seat on the mattress, as Lydia turned to him triumphantly holding fistfuls of CD cases aloft.

“You know what I do when I want to get all my angsty energy out?” Lydia slid in her socks across the wood floor, arriving in front of the demon with a wobble. “Listen to aggressively angsty music, usually sing along, and _definitely_ rave.”

“Oh, I am one-hundred percent on board with this plan,” Beetlejuice grinned and rubbed his hands together, small sparks flying from his fingers.

“Whoah there,” Lydia cautioned. “Don’t set anything on fire. Remember the house rules?”

“Oh… _oh right._ ‘No causing permanent damage to the house or furnishings.’” Beetlejuice quoted in a high-pitched, vaguely British tone.

“Kay, cool,” Lydia plopped down next to him on the mattress. “So, what should we listen to?” She spread the CDs out on the bed and Beetlejuice leaned forward to peer at the titles.

“Hmmmm, don’t think I’ve heard of most of these. ‘Black Veil Brides?’ Sounds right up your alley!” Beetlejuice dodged as Lydia tried to punch him in the arm. “‘Bikini Kill?’ Okay, that sounds _fuckin amazing_ ….wait a second, what’s ‘My Chemical Romance?’ Is it like, mopey hipster music?”

Lydia gaped at Beetlejuice. When he saw her face, he grew defensive.

“What?? Why is your face doing that?” He reached out, squishing her face between his hands. Lydia pulled his hands away from her face, clutching them instead in a death grip. Staring intently into his eyes, Lydia whispered gravely, “ _You’ve never heard of My Chemical Romance??_ ”

“Uhhhh, no. Sorry, nerd,” Beetlejuice snorted at how serious Lydia was taking this situation.

Lydia released Beetlejuice’s hands, throwing her own up in the air. “Are you _kidding_ me??? How have you never heard of them??? They are _literally_ a band that writes songs about being dead and death and dying and like, blood and, oh did I mention, _DEATH??_ ” Lydia practically shouted in her excitement.

“What the _fuck!!”_ Beetlejuice exclaimed. “Where has this band been hiding all these years??”

“Allow me to introduce you to the perfection that is _The Black Parade_ ,” Lydia grabbed one of the CDs, hopping up to load it into her CD player. She pressed play and a rhythmic beeping issued forth from the speakers.

Lydia grabbed her hairbrush from her dresser and spun around to face Beetlejuice as the vocals kicked in. Clearly knowing the words by heart, Lydia sung along passionately:

_Now, come one, come all to this tragic affair  
Wipe off that makeup, what's in is despair  
So throw on the black dress, mix in with the lot  
You might wake up and notice you're someone you're not_

Lydia continued to sing dramatically into her hairbrush, striking a pose or flourishing her hands every so often as Beetlejuice looked on enthusiastically until the music rose to a thundering crescendo before transitioning into a hard-driving guitar riff. At this point, Lydia threw the brush aside, and dragged Beetlejuice to his feet, whirling him around, both giggling like schoolgirls. She released him and began head-banging, her short dark curls flying every which way. Beetlejuice couldn’t help but join in, time slipping away as the two released their emotions through _super cool_ dance moves. Okay, fine…they both looked like complete dorks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I thought my internal emo had mostly disappeared after high school.........but clearly I was wrong. 
> 
> Thanks all for reading! Your kudos and lovely comments have been so wonderful to read and make me feel all fuzzy inside <3


	6. Demons aren’t warm and fuzzy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beetlejuice begins to understand the appeal of dull domesticity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!! You guys get this chapter early because why not? And also tomorrow is a busy day for me, so tonight it is.

It wasn’t until that evening that the family had a reason to gather together again. Seeing as the family rotated through who was responsible for cooking meals, it was Barbara’s turn to make dinner. Not wanting to be solely responsible if the meal didn’t turn out properly, (cooking had never been one of Barbara’s strong suits) she went knocking on Lydia’s door for backup. Not heard above the loud rock music blasting inside the room, Barbara opened the door to find Lydia and Beetlejuice sitting cross legged on the floor. Lydia was in the process of applying thick black eyeliner to Beetlejuice’s face, but at Barbara’s entrance, Lydia’s hand slipped in surprise, poking Beetlejuice in the eye. He yelped and jerked back with a sour expression, batting Lydia’s hand away. Lydia in return batted him back and soon the two were frantically flapping their hands at each other. Beetlejuice sprouted a few extra arms, giving him an advantage in the flapping feud. Barbara smiled fondly observing the two, who looked like children in their current position.

Giving Beetlejuice one final shove, Lydia finally admitted defeat and turned her attention to the ghost. “What’s up, Barbara?” Lydia had changed into sweatpants and a black and white striped tank, making her and Beetlejuice match. The two of them looked flushed and a bit sweaty, hair snarled and disheveled.

“You two look like you’re having fun,” Barbara laughed. “Were you doing one of your mom’s old 80’s workout videos again?”

Beetlejuice gasped and whipped his head to stare incredulously at Lydia. “You _own_ some of those things?? Lyds, you’ve been holding out on me! I’m offended.” He pressed a hand dramatically to his chest. With a snap of his fingers, he was decked out in frankly hideous purple lycra body suit, hot pink leg warmers, and a black and white striped sweatband.

Clapping her hands over her eyes, Lydia groaned dramatically, “GAHHHHH!! My eyes!! Make it stop!!” With a shake, Beetlejuice was back to his normal attire and, after peeping cautiously between her fingers, Lydia continued, “Seeing as we’re going to be living together for the foreseeable future, we have plenty of time to get to those later.” Shifting her attention back to Barbara, she answered, “We were having a dance party. Did you want something?”

“Dinner backup,” Barbara confessed, pouting her lower lip, shoulders slumping in mock embarrassment. Lydia knew the routine and also never refused to give Barbara a hand and occasionally share the blame of botched meals.

Getting to her feet, Lydia held out a hand to Beetlejuice, attempting to pull him to his feet despite the significant difference in their body mass. After tugging for a few second, Beetlejuice finally scrambled to stand with a groan.

“Beetlejuice can join too, right?” Lydia’s eyes searched Barbara’s face questioningly.

Beetlejuice batted his eyelashes and pouted out his lower lip, hands clasped under his chin. After a hesitant pause, Barbara nodded, “As long as he doesn’t set the dinner or the kitchen on fire.”

“What is it with you guys and thinking I’m gonna always set shit on fire?” Beetlejuice huffed, steam hissing out his nostrils. “Aside from some flashes and bangs, I literally set _one_ thing on fire in the show. Okay, _maybe_ two…but _the point is_ , it’s not a habit, you guys.”

Barbara led the two down to the kitchen where they set to work on dinner: a vegan shepherd’s pie. Barbara made Beetlejuice wash his hands in warm soapy water for a solid two minutes before she let him touch any of the ingredients. Beetlejuice surprised her by barely complaining at all about that. When he saw her shocked expression, Beetlejuice grumbled, “Jeez, don’t look so shocked, Babs. I _can_ be clean if I want to. It just isn’t really a habit I grew up with.”

After getting clean, Lydia and Barbara discovered that Beetlejuice was frighteningly skilled with a knife, so they set him to work on chopping the vegetables. Soon, the savory scent of baking potatoes and vegetables began to waft through the house, drawing the rest of the family to the kitchen. Charles and Delia began to fill the Maitlands in on their afternoon in the garden while Lydia set the table.

The timer dinged on the pie baking in the over and Barbara called, “Beetlejuice, do you mind grabbing that?” She turned her attention back to the Deetzes as the demon scrambled over to the oven.

“Dinner is served!!” The family turned at the sound of Beetlejuice’s voice to find him grinning and holding the shepherd’s pie aloft on a bare palm. Barbara gasped, clamping a hand over her mouth at the same time Lydia exclaimed, “Beetlejuice!!”

Flinching slightly, worry flooded Beetlejuice’s face, his hair melting into purple as he quickly lowered the pie. “What is it? Did I do something wrong?”

Moving her hand away from her mouth, Barbara replied, “You hand! You’re holding the pan in your bare hand! How are you doing that? Isn’t that hurting you?”

Beetlejuice glanced down at the pan in his hand and then quickly lowered it to the table. “Oh…uh I guess I didn’t think about that. I mean, yeah, I can feel it, but I don’t really get actually damaged by stuff like this, so I sort of got used to the pain over the centuries.”

His words were met by a stunned silence from the family. “It’s no biggie,” he deflected, rubbing his hands together. “Really, it doesn’t bother me.”

Barbara finally found her voice again, “Well, I don’t care if it’s ‘no biggie’ to you! We don’t want you getting hurt. We have hot pads for that, silly.”

“Oh, okay. Well then, I guess I’ll just use one of those next time,” Beetlejuice spoke sheepishly. “I feel like I just kinda ruined the whole mood here for some reason. Uhh, sorry for…whatever I did.”

“You don’t need to be sorry,” Lydia assured him. “But also…seriously dude, don’t hurt yourself if it can be avoided with hot pads.”

“Um……okay,” Beetlejuice didn’t quite know what to make of their reactions. He had never really had anyone this worried about his well-being before. It was a new experience and….he kinda hated to admit how warm and fuzzy it made him feel inside. Demons aren’t _warm and fuzzy_.

The dinner conversation meandered this way and that from the state of Adam and Barbara’s online businesses to Lydia’s classes and biology lab partner to what Beetlejuice had been doing in his time away from the family. When it became apparent that the details were going to be more graphic than what he felt Lydia should be hearing, Adam pressed his hands over her ears, shooting Beetlejuice a glare that caused the demon to quickly backpedal and sanitize his narrative.

Eventually, Lydia brought up something that had been bothering her all day. “So, I kind of don’t want to get all serious again, but I have been sorta worried about how long we have until Juno comes back. Beetlejuice, can you like…tell where she is or what she’s doing?”

“I’m a demon, kid…not psychic. If I _was_ psychic, spying on my mom is the last thing I would want to use that power for, trust me. Anywho, what I _can_ do is tell when she’s getting close. Like, once she’s within five minutes of arriving, I’ll definitely know.”

“That’s not a lot of time,” Adam’s eyebrows knit together in worry. “We need a _plan._ We need to be ready for her when she gets back. Any suggestions?”

“I would suggest having Chuck marry her and pull the old ‘stab her with bad art’ routine, but unfortunately, my mom is a heartless bitch and a lot less desperate for love than I am, so she’s not gonna fall for that.” Beetlejuice spoke lightly, but his words hung heavily in the air. “The best way to get my mom to leave you alone is to show her that you’re not worth her time.”

“So how do we do that?” Charles inquired, leaning his elbows on the table intently.

“That’s the problem, Chuckles,” Beetlejuice ignored Charles’ disgruntled expression. “I used to have that routine down pat. My mom hadn’t bothered with me for at _least_ two hundred years, until I got on her bad side by feeding her to a sandworm. Now, I don’t know how to get me and you all back into the safety of repulsed disinterest.”

“There’s a _lot_ to unpack in what you’re saying,” Delia spoke gently, but firmly, “and I want you to know that you can come talk to me about it _anytime_ you want. My guru may have been a fraud, but I still think my life coaching skills are genuine. It helps that you know these things though, because if we understand Juno, then we can figure out how to beat her!”

Beetlejuice looked vaguely sick at the idea of life coaching, but her words also sent a wave of assurance through him. He realized with a start that he wouldn’t be facing his mom alone this time. Although it was somewhat his fault that this family had been roped into the mess involving Juno, they were prepared to help him get rid of her. Suddenly feeling confident with this knowledge, Beetlejuice struck upon an idea.

“I think I can buy us some time, at least,” he snapped his fingers, excitement dancing in his eyes. “I mentioned my friend Miss Argentina earlier? Well, there’s a way I might be able to get a message to her without attracting my mom’s attention. She can probably help keep my mom down in the Netherworld and can also give us updates and warnings if it seems like she’s gonna make a move.”

“That’s great, Beetlejuice!” Barbara exclaimed. “We can use all the time we can get to form a plan that is hopefully more well-thought-out than our last one.”

Beetlejuice was barely listening as he muttered to himself, “Let’s see, today is Saturday, right? So that means tomorrow is….is…”

“Sunday?” Lydia supplied.

“Yes! That’s it, Sunday. Perfect!” Beetlejuice rubbed his hands together vigorously. “Looks like I’ll be going to church this week.”

“ _What?_ ” Lydia looked incredulous. “You’re a literal _demon_. Is that even possible? And more importantly, _why_?”

“I’ll explain later, but it’s my best shot at contacting Miss A.”

After the dinner dishes had been cleared and loaded into the dishwasher, Lydia approached Charles. “Hey Dad, you know how Saturday is usually our family movie night?”

Charles hummed in agreement from his seat on the sofa as he glanced up from his cellphone.

“Well, I was wondering if maybe it could be a _family_ movie night tonight.”

“Wha… _oh,_ ” understanding dawned on Charles’ face. “Of course, Lydia! Want to see if Adam and Barbara and…I shouldn’t call him ‘Mr. Juice’, should I? Beetlejuice…want to see if they’d like to join us?”

“Sure, and Dad, maybe you should ask Beej what he would like to be called,” Lydia gave him a small smile as she wandered back to the kitchen to invite the others. As if the fates wanted their conversation to happen, Beetlejuice was the first to appear in the living room as Lydia had gone upstairs to find Delia, and Adam and Barbara were finishing putting away the leftovers. Seeing that the room was empty except for Charles, Beetlejuice awkwardly shuffled to the seat farthest away from him and sat down stiffly.

“So, um, hurumph,” Charles cleared his throat, sitting forward and angling his body to face the demon. “I wanted to ask you something, er, Beetlejuice. What would you like me to call you? Do you prefer Beetlejuice? Or is there something else you go by?”

Beetlejuice stared blankly at Charles for so long that he had to fight the urge to squirm. Finally, he opened his mouth to reply, “Not gonna lie, I was _not_ expecting that to be your question. But, um, since you asked…it actually makes me feel a little weird when living people say my name. I think it’s related to my mom’s curse. If a breather says it, it gets me a little involuntarily excited.” At Charles wary expression, Beetlejuice amended, “Not in the way you’re thinking, Chuck. Geez, get your mind out of the gutter.” Charles didn’t comment on the blatant hypocrisy of that statement coming from the demon.

Beetlejuice continued, “What would I compare it to…..I guess it’s kind of like the feeling when a teacher calls your name when you haven’t been paying attention in class. You know that panicked ‘oh shit I have no idea what we’re talking about and I’m supposed to give a response’ feeling? Like, it doesn’t hurt me, but it’s also not the greatest sensation, either.”

Charles was taken aback by the demon’s honesty and his careful explanation. “What would you prefer me and Delia and Lydia to call you, then?”

“Well, Lydia usually calls me ‘Beej’ which is fine, but also weirdly feels like _her_ nickname for me. I don’t care if you want to use that too, but you could also always just use ‘Bee.’ First letter of my name…dope little insect with a stinger…basically an all-around great name.” Beetlejuice shrugged, seeming more relaxed now. “Call me whatever you want, Chuck.”

Charles nodded and decided, “Bee it is then.”

Beetlejuice _definitely_ didn’t feel a little bit warm and fuzzy hearing Charles use the name he had suggested. Demons aren’t _warm and fuzzy_.

Just then, Adam and Barbara appeared, followed shortly by Lydia and Delia. Lydia seemed a bit…off to Beetlejuice. Somehow more subdued than the girl he normally saw. She grabbed a VHS off a shelf and crouched to pop it into the VCR player and turn the TV on. Delia settled on the sofa next to Charles and as the screen lit up, Lydia grabbed the remote before settling down on Charles’ other side, curling into him slightly. _Even weirder,_ thought Beetlejuice who hadn’t really seen this much affection from Lydia towards her dad. The sofa sufficiently occupied, Adam and Barbara approached Beetlejuice where he sat on the love seat, looking at him expectantly.

Understanding flooded Beetlejuice’s face and he quickly scrambled to his feet, backing away from the love seat, looking around for another place to sit other than the floor. Crap. Guess floor it is then.

Before he could make a move to settle onto the hard wood floor, however, Adam piped up, “What are you doing, Beetlejuice? There’s enough room on here for three if we squeeze.”

“What?” Beetlejuice was confounded. “Why on God’s green earth would you want to be squished on a tiny couch with me?”

Barbara let out a small snort at that. “I mean, it’s not ideal, considering your personal hygiene habits, but it would be silly for you to sit on the floor. Come join us!” She patted the open space on her left side.

Beetlejuice let out a disbelieving laugh. He wasn’t sure _why_ this was happening, but he was _not_ going to turn down that offer. Better enjoy it while it lasts, huh? He gingerly lowered himself to the love seat next to Barbara, weight carefully angled away from her, giving her as much space as he could. House rules, remember? When Adam and Barbara simply leaned into each other and let him be, not changing their minds and shoving him to the floor or something, Beetlejuice relaxed minutely.

Giving a slight sniff, Adam leaned forward to glance across at Beetlejuice, “You do have a pretty….pungent odor. For the future comfort of everyone living in this house, would you mind taking a shower and washing your suit?”

Despite his normal self-confidence, Beetlejuice couldn’t help but feel embarrassed about the comment from Adam. _Dammit,_ did he actually care about what Adam and Barbara thought of him? Beetlejuice’s hair melted into an embarrassed fuchsia, and he cleared his throat, playing it cool, unaware that his hair was completely ruining the façade. “I mean, it totally would ruin my image as a demon of hell, but like, whatever. I guess I could maybe do that.”

“Thanks,” Adam smiled at him before turning back to face the TV. _Damn that vegan shepherd’s pie_ , thought Beetlejuice. Must have been something off about it. That must be why his stomach was doing flips.

Seeing that everyone was finally settled in, Lydia hit play on the remote and the screen was filled with a wobbly image of a woman with raven black hair. She wasn’t necessarily what Beetlejuice would call conventionally attractive, but there was something… _captivating_ about her that made it hard to look away. She threw a mischievous smile at the camera as she lifted a toddler with matching dark hair into the camera view. _Oh._ Beetlejuice suddenly understood why Lydia had been acting differently tonight.

The home-video footage continued to play as scene after scene of Lydia, Emily, and Charles’ lives flickered past. Christmases and birthdays with cakes and candles. Lydia’s first time riding a bicycle on her own. Emily showing off her “ghost of Edgar Allen Poe” costume. The more he watched, the more Beetlejuice understood just what a unique and incredible woman Emily must have been. He suddenly felt so stupid for trying to stop Lydia from going to find her mom in the Netherworld. I mean, it _would_ have certainly been a doomed mission, but if he had a mom like Emily, he too would have moved heaven and hell to get her back. Looking over at Lydia, Beetlejuice saw that silent tears were rolling down her cheeks, illuminated by the screen. She pressed into Charles’ side, who wrapped his arm tighter around her shoulders. Beetlejuice almost fell off the couch when he looked up to see matching tears making their way down Charles’ face. Something inside him softened at the sight of the two. The obvious sorrow, but also the fierce love there. Emily was gone, but the two of them were not alone anymore.

Late into the night, the VCR player finally clicked, casting the room into a blue glow as the images on the screen ceased. Lydia had drifted off to sleep against Charles’ shoulder and, rather than waking her, Charles carefully gathered her into his arms and carried her up the stairs, followed by Delia. Adam went to turn off the TV and Barbara turned to Beetlejuice before he could escape to the guest room.

“Beetlejuice, do you think Adam and I could talk with you, just the three of us some time?” At the panicked look Beetlejuice was giving her, Barbara quickly added, “Promise it’s not anything bad. There are just some things we would like to say.”

“Oh, uh…okay,” Beetlejuice shifted on the couch. His eyes darted back and forth between Adam and Barbara, hair now more yellow than green.

“It’s really not anything you need to be worried about, BJ,” Adam interjected. “We didn’t say this to make you nervous. We just wanted to ask you in advance rather than springing it on you when you aren’t ready. Maybe we’ll get the chance this week when Lydia has school and Charles and Delia are working?”

“Okay, I guess that’s fine,” Beetlejuice relaxed slightly, only a bit less nervous at Adam’s words.

“Goodnight then,” Barbara got up, reaching out to rub Beetlejuice gently on the shoulder before taking Adam’s hand and heading for the stairs. Beetlejuice sat in silent shock for several minutes, his shoulder glowing with warmth where Barbara had touched him. He felt slightly dizzy at the small gesture of affection. _God_ he was pathetic. Always desperate for love and attention, just like his mom said.

Before his thoughts could spiral further down familiar pathways, he shook his head, reminding himself that maybe he wouldn’t be so starved for affection if his mom hadn’t raised him completely devoid of it in the first place. Miss Argentina was always going on about positive self-talk and how he needed to work on not blaming himself so much. In his experience, it was easier said than done. But apparently if he wanted to be a “well-adjusted” adult, he needed to work on it. _Whatever_.

Stomach filled with too much apprehension from…well _everything_ …to sleep, Beetlejuice floated up to the ridge of the rooftop. Settling down on it with a sigh, he gazed out over the dark, silent countryside. His eyes drifted upward to take in the starts scattered across the inky night sky. As he had many times before, he located Orion, tracing the invisible lines between the stars until he found his namesake. Eyes fixed on the pinpoint of light, he whispered to himself again and again, “ _It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay…”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know these past few chapter have been a bit less plot-heavy, but I'm just such a sucker for Beej and the Deetzes/Maitlands learning how to live together and the hilarity but also emotions that it causes, that I couldn't help myself. Hope you guys enjoy anyway and thank you as always for reading! Your love and support clears my acne and keeps me going.


	7. Take me to church

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beetlejuice and Lydia visit a church to connect with an old friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: brief mentions of homophobia cuz Juno’s a piece of shit

There comes a time in most demons' lives when they need to face their fears. Avoidance can only take one so far and, like it or not, positive change is only going to occur with intentional action. Beetlejuice just didn’t understand why _now_ had to be the time for him to face his. This was no cakewalk. In fact, there were few things he could name that he would enjoy doing _less_ than this. Beetlejuice gritted his teeth as he eyed the white, tiled shower stall.

“You’re not gonna get any cleaner just staring at it,” Lydia called from the bathroom doorway.

Shooting her a glare over his shoulder, Beetlejuice huffed, “Yeah, whatever smartass.”

“Good morning to you too, bitch. Touchy subject apparently,” Lydia squinted at the demon with his back still turned to her. “Wait…are you… _afraid_ of taking a shower?”

Beetlejuice spun around to face her, hair pale and eyes narrowed. “Of _course not._ Shower’s aren’t scary. That would be stupid.”

“Woah, okay, clearly there is more to this than you’re letting on, because you’re like, way too agro to just be annoyed about taking a shower,” Lydia lifted her hands as if to placate him. “Also, not to be annoying, but I thought one of the house rules was ‘no lying.’”

Looking at the genuine concern written on her face, Beetlejuice softened, suddenly realizing how tense and overreactive he was being. “Sorry, Lyds…I…” he exhaled. “It’s just that being clean is something my mom basically conditioned me to hate. Thought cleanliness wasn’t _becoming_ on a demon. Thought caring too much about my appearance was a sign of my latent queerness, which…to be fair, it kinda was. But she would be damned to hell again if she let any son of hers turn out to be a fairy.”

“Oh my god, that is _awful,_ ” Lydia gasped. “Geez, Beej I didn’t know. Sorry.”

“I didn’t say that to get your pity, kid,” Beetlejuice said. “I was just giving the whole honesty thing a try. So, how do you turn this thing on?”

Lydia brushed past Beetlejuice and demonstrated how to work the shower faucets before leaving him alone to get to it. Beetlejuice stripped his clothes off, folding them in a soiled pile in the corner and suppressed a shudder as he held his hand under the stream of water, testing the temperature. Deciding that baptism by fire was the route to go in this situation, Beetlejuice pulled back the curtain and stepped fully into the stream of hot water before he could think twice. At first, all he felt was panic. The hurtful words of his mother flooded his mind as the water ran in rivulets down his body. As he took several deep breaths and let the memories fade once again into the past where they belonged, the soothing sensation of the warm water caressing his body calmed him.

 _Wow, had showers always felt this good?_ He couldn’t remember the last time he had taken a shower, but he had forgotten that they could be really nice, actually. Turning his back to the showerhead, he let the water soak his hair and trickle gently over his face. Before he realized what was happening, he let out an involuntary hum of contentment. Maybe he could get used to this after all if he could just unlearn his mother’s conditioning.

With the assistance of Lydia’s laptop earlier that morning, Beetlejuice had eventually learned that the nearest church didn’t start service until 10:30am, so Beetlejuice spent a good hour in the shower, sudsing his body and hair using what he figured were probably Delia’s fancy shampoos and bodywashes. They even said they were vegan, but when Beetlejuice tasted a few, he didn’t really understand the appeal.

By the time he turned the faucet off, the whole bathroom was humid with steam and Beetlejuice felt more relaxed than he had in….well, let’s just say a while. He wrapped a towel around his waist and wiped a section of the mirror clear of steam. To Beetlejuice’s surprise, that morning he had found a spare electric razor outside the guest bedroom door with a note from Charles saying that it was his to use. Using the razor, he shaved his face, leaving the lightest layer of stubble, just the way he liked it. Delia had also given him a toothbrush and paste, which he became much more interested in when he discovered that the minty paste made his mouth tingle pleasantly. Staring at his reflection, he ran a hand through his deep green hair. He actually smiled at himself. He hadn’t seen himself this clean in so long that he had forgotten that he _was_ actually a handsome devil.

“Screw you mom,” he whispered. “I _can_ be a sexy beast if I want.”

Beetlejuice emerged from the bathroom some minutes later dressed in the slacks and button-down that Delia had convinced Charles to loan him.

“He _cannot_ visit a church wearing that filthy stiped suit and you know it,” Delia had insisted to a reluctant Charles. “Plus, we might be able to wash the suit if he has something else to wear for the day.”

The shirt fit alright, but Charles was a good six inches taller than Beetlejuice, which meant that the slacks puddled around his ankles. _Oh well,_ thought Beetlejuice. _Better than nothing, I suppose, especially around Christians._

Beetlejuice found the rest of the family eating breakfast and he broke into a toothy grin when, at his entrance, Adam swallowed his mouthful or orange juice too rapidly and collapsed into a fit of coughs. Barbara patted him gently on the back as she eyed Beetlejuice, “Well hello handsome! Somebody cleans up nicely.”

Too cocky to be thrown off by the compliment, Beetlejuice couldn’t wipe the impish grin off his face. Also, was that….was that Barbara… _flirting_ with him? He guessed that after all his flirtations with them, Barbara had decided that two could play at that game. She and Adam probably viewed it as an easy way to joke with him. He felt a small stab of pain in his stomach at the thought of having to put up with fake flirtation from these boring sexy ghosts, but he decided he would rather have them joke with him than be angry at him, so he could grit his teeth and bear it.

“Well, I’m off to church,” Beetlejuice declared. “God help whatever priest gets to listen to my confession. ‘Forgive me father for I have sinned…it has been _never_ since my last confession, oh and did I mention that I’m six hundred years old, give or take? Where do I begin?’”

Lydia let out a snort at this before getting to her feet, “I wanna come along.”

“Hells yeah!” Beetlejuice pumped the air with his fist.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Adam had finally recovered from his bout of coughing, though he was still a bit red in the face. “I mean, with Juno after us, should we be splitting up like this?”

“We’re not splitting up…I’m going along with Beetlejuice, so he isn’t alone…see?” Lydia shrugged. “Beej has to try and get a message to Miss Argentina, so we don’t have much of a choice about him leaving the house, and if Juno shows up, wouldn’t you rather me be with the overpowered demon than here at home? If I remember correctly, Juno seemed to hate me and Beej the most, so you guys will probably be safe enough in the house.” When she scanned the waffling faces of her parents, Lydia added, “If anything happens though, I have my cellphone.”

None of the adults could find a good enough reason to boycott the plan, so with their reluctant consent, Lydia and Beetlejuice headed out the front door. The church was only a ten-minute walk from the house and on the way, Lydia demanded, “Okay, now you’ve _got_ to tell me how this communication thing works. What does a church have to do with it?”

“Honestly, kid, if I am going to explain the whole thing, we’d need like an hour, so I’ll give you the CliffsNotes.” Taking a deep breath, Beetlejuice began speaking rapidly. “So, you know, like heaven and hell? Well, so those places are real. Humans have it kind of mixed up though. Heaven and hell aren’t the places where humans end up after they die, those are just like the corporate headquarters of the two sides that are both in the business of messing with breathers and guiding them into the next life. Kind of picture heaven and hell like democrats and republicans. I’ll let you guess which is which. The Netherworld is the real afterlife, obviously. So yeah, demons come from hell and angels come from heaven, but most of us just spend time in the Netherworld or the land of the living fucking around.”

“Whoah whoah whoah,” Lydia cut in. “I’m gonna stop you right there…” She had a dazed expression on her face. “ _Angels exist_?”

“Yeah. I guess this is kind of a lot of information all at once, but we don’t really have time for all the details right now,” Beetlejuice tapped a finger to his chin before giving his head a shake and plunging forward. “The point is, most angels and demons are sworn enemies, ya know, for obvious reasons, but there are a few rebels that don’t stay in their lanes. Yours truly being one of them. I happen to know a couple of guys that have Netherworld connections and might be able to pass my message along to Miss A. More specifically, there’s an angel I know who will be easy to contact at the church. Contacting someone from the Sticks Up Their Butts side won’t get on my mom’s radar, so it should be safe.”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but okay….I guess that weirdly makes sense.” Lydia said in disbelief.

Their conversation ended there because the church had come into view. Cars were filling the parking lot and churchgoers of all ages, shapes, and sizes were slowly filtering into the white, steepled building.

“You ever been in a church before?” Beetlejuice glanced sideways at Lydia who shook her head.

“Not my thing. You?”

“Actually, yeah. I am aware that it is the most cliché of clichés, but I _did_ have a fling with a priest back in the eighteenth century. She was actually a chick who disguised herself as a dude to be taken more seriously by society etc. etc. Totally a badass and definitely a freak in the sheets. It was doomed from the start.” Beetlejuice let out a sigh and had a faraway look in his eyes. Giving his head a little shake, he seemed to come back to the present. “Anyway, just smile and shake people’s hands when they come at you and if anyone says anything to you, just reply ‘And also with you.’ You should be good.” Lydia couldn’t help but be grudgingly impressed at the demon’s knowledge and preparations for this plan.

Pushing back his shoulders and lifting his chin, Beetlejuice led the way through the large double doors of the church. He winced slightly as the burning sensation that accompanies walking on consecrated ground hit him, but he ignored the pain, grateful that he was not completely banned from entering the space. Several greeters shook their hands, welcoming them warmly as the two entered the sanctuary, unaware that they were literally ushering a demon into their midst. An organist was playing and there was a general murmur filling the high-ceiling room as the congregation settled into their seats and conversed, waiting for the service to start. Peering around the sanctuary, Beetlejuice spotted an exit sign up near the front of the room and made a beeline for it, a puzzled Lydia in tow. A few of the older members of the congregation eyed the green-haired man and the goth girl suspiciously, but thankfully no one made a move to confront them. Pushing through the door, Beetlejuice hummed in satisfaction as it revealed a staircase leading down. He and Lydia made their way to the church basement, where there was a large open room presumably for social events and a hallway that led to several empty offices.

“Perfect,” Beetlejuice poked his head into one of the empty rooms, before pulling Lydia in after him. “You’re going to be on door duty. Make sure nobody’s coming and for God’s sake tell me if there is.”

“Wait…is _God_ real?” Lydia raised her eyebrows.

“Lydia…I don’t think the author wants to take a stance on that in this universe,” Beetlejuice waved his hand dismissively.

Thoroughly unsatisfied, Lydia grumbled but stationing herself by the door, trying to keep an eye on the hallway, while also tracking Beetlejuice with her eyes as he settled cross-legged on the floor. Conjuring a large bowl from thin air, he set it on the floor in front of him before snapping, causing the bowl to fill with water in a blink. Beetlejuice placed his palms on either side of the bowl, closed his eyes, and began to speak in a language that Lydia did not understand. It sounded like it was maybe Latin, but it occurred to Lydia that she could also be making that judgement based on mass media’s portrayal of seances, exorcisms, and the like.

Beetlejuice stopped speaking and glanced down at the bowl which began to shimmer. Little ripples broke the surface of the water before it stilled again to reveal an image projected on the surface of a white-haired man with a furrowed brow.

“Hey Aziraphale!” Beetlejuice grinned at the worried reflection in the water.

“ _Beetlejuice??_ ” The man gasped in disbelief. “You finally reached out! Crowley and I have been worried _sick_ wondering what had happened to you! One day you were having tea with us and the next you’d seemingly vanished off the face of this plane. I cannot tell you how relieved I am to see you in one piece.”

“Yeah, sorry. Things got a little…complicated for a while and I sort of haven’t been myself. I should have reached out sooner though. How is Crowley, the old bastard?”

“Oh you know, still a demon, but I like to think that being married to me has had a positive impact on him.” Aziraphale smiled fondly. “Where are you, Beetlejuice? I presume there must be a reason you’re reaching out after such a long time. Is everything all right?”

“Ahhh, not exactly,” A frown flickered across Beetlejuice’s features. “We’re in a church. I needed a place where I could get a good connection through to you.”

“We? Is someone else there with you?” Aziraphale tried to peer around the room, despite being trapped in a bowl.

“Oh yeah! Hey Lydia, come over here a second! Aziraphale, meet Lydia: human. Lydia, meet Aziraphale: angel.”

“Whoah.” Lydia just stared at the white-haired man beaming at her out of the bowl.

“Lydia, my dear, so nice to meet you!” He spoke warmly. It seemed everything about the man was warm. “How did you meet this old demon?”

“It’s uh...it’s a long story,” Lydia spoke uncertainly.

“Yeah,” Beetlejuice cut in. “Sorry, Azi, maybe we should save that story for another time. I hate to call you up just to ask for a favor, but that’s what I’m doing. My mom is trying to kill us all and I kicked her back into the Netherworld, but I need to get a message to Miss Argentina. I thought asking you would be the best way to do that and stay under ma’s radar.”

“Oh dear! Beetlejuice, that is _dreadful._ I would be happy to get a message through to her for you. What shall I tell her?”

“Can you tell her that I need her to keep my mom there as long as she can and that she shouldn’t try to contact me because that will probably make my mom drop everything to come and stop me from scheming. Also, can she keep tabs on my mom for me? Like if she realizes that my mom is going to head up here soon, then can she warn us maybe?” Beetlejuice looked thoughtful. “Yeah, I think that’s about it. Can you remember all of that?”

Aziraphale clicked his tongue, “Beetlejuice, I’m _offended._ Of course I can remember that. You don’t need to worry at all. Your message _will_ get through.”

“You’re a beauty, Azi,” Beetlejuice blew a kiss at the reflection in the bowl. “I can’t thank you enough for this. Promise I’ll make it up to you and Crowley someday.”

“Don’t mention it,” the angel replied warmly. He smiled and gave a little wave before disappearing in another wave of ripples.

Beetlejuice vanished away the bowl of water and scrambled to his feet. He gave Lydia a small, triumphant grin which she returned.

“He seems cool,” Lydia nodded in approval.

“You have no idea, kid. He and his husband, Crowley basically said ‘fuck you’ to their respective sides so they could be together.”

“That’s so metal.”

Glancing up toward the ceiling, a wicked smile crept over Beetlejuice’s face. He fixed Lydia with a scheming gaze before saying, “Hey, before we go home, do you wanna mess with some Christians?”

“Fuck yeah!”

Upstairs, the preacher was midway through a passionate sermon addressing the Christian response to the current political climate, when suddenly his microphone screeched before going silent. As the congregation glanced around in confusion, a deep booming voice echoed around the sanctuary.

“ _HEAR ME CHILDREN!! THIS IS GOD. WHAT’S UP MY PEEPS. I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU ALL KNOW THAT I….pfffft….AHEM…I COMPLETELY APPROVE OF DUDES BANGING DUDES AND CHICKS BANGING CHICKS AND PEOPLE WHO AREN’T DUDES OR CHICKS BANGING ANYONE AND EVERYONE THAT THEY WANT. BASICALLY, JUST FUCK EACH OTHER, YA KNOW. IT’LL HELP YOU ALL CHILL OUT A LOT MORE, I GUARANTEE. WELL, THAT’S ALL. SEE YA LATER, SUCKERS._ ”

The deafening silence in the sanctuary was only broken by muffled giggles and scuffling at the back of the room followed by the slamming of the front doors.

On the way back to the house, Lydia and Beetlejuice laughed over the prank they pulled for some time, reveling in the horrified and shocked faces of the congregation. Lydia walked while Beetlejuice hovered upside down in the air several feet in front of her. He slowly bobbed along, facing Lydia as he floated backwards. Lydia had to occasionally warn him about branches or other obstacles that were in his way, but he refused to turn around, for some annoying reason.

“I still think we should have pulled a Carrie on the preacher, but whatever,” Beetlejuice shrugged. “I guess your idea was pretty okay too. Not enough screaming for my taste, though.”

“Oh my god, we’ve been over this.” Lydia leveled a stern look at the demon. “You need to tone down the bloodthirst if you want my parents to let you stay in the house.” That seemed to shut Beetlejuice up for the time being.

“Beej?” Lydia asked eventually, looking down at the ground. Beetlejuice hummed for her to continue.

“Are you really…what was it? Six hundred years old?”

“Yeah, I mean, I think. I don’t know exactly when I was born and sometimes years just kind of blend together when you live that long, but I figure it has to be about six hundred…give or take. Why?” He flipped right side up but continued to hover backwards, facing Lydia.

“I guess I just didn’t realize you were actually such a grandpa,” Lydia smirked, instantly tripping over a stone that she could have sworn was not there a second ago. She glared at Beetlejuice who stuck his tongue out at her.

“Six hundred years isn’t really that old for a demon though. In demon years I’m still a young’un,” Beetlejuice did a backflip through the air to prove his point.

“So you _were_ born? I mean, you’re a demon, so I figured that maybe you guys were just sort of…created or something.”

“’Course we’re born! We’re a species, just like you breathers.”

“So you really _do_ have a dad, then. But you never met him?”

“Nope. According to my mom, he left the minute he found out she was pregnant. Honestly, I think that guy had the right idea.”

At this, Lydia’s face fell and she looked at him with an almost…angry? expression. Was she _mad_ at him?

“Beej, don’t say things like that,” Lydia’s voice hitched, surprising Beetlejuice. “Your dad was stupid to leave you. I mean, look at you. You’re like the coolest. He missed out BIG time by not being a part of your life.”

Beetlejuice summersaulted to face away from Lydia, but not before she saw his hair fade to a muddy purple. “Well, I never knew the guy, so…kind of hard to be mad at him, ya know?” Beetlejuice almost managed to keep the waver out of his voice.

“Do you know _anything_ about him?” Lydia studied Beetlejuice’s back. “Like, have you ever actually tried to find him? Would you want to do that?”

“Mom pretty much refuses to talk about him, so there’s not much I know. I don’t think the two of them were an item though. Probably more of a fling, which resulted in me.” Beetlejuice shuddered at this. “I try not to think about it too hard. But anyway, I figure it would be pretty much impossible to learn anything about him, unless my mom told me, and well…you’ve seen how she is.”

“Yeah, Juno _sucks_!” Lydia spat, causing Beetlejuice to finally spin around to face her again as they climbed the hill to the house.

“Juno _sucks_!” Beetlejuice echoed, grinning at Lydia.

When the pair got home, they were just in time to grab lunch with Delia and Charles. Apparently the Maitlands were having some “quality couple time” which sounded like a euphemism to Beetlejuice, but he held his tongue for once on the matter. He popped the organ back into his mouth where it belonged when Delia caught sight of it in his hand and gagged.

Beetlejuice and Lydia explained what had happened at the church (leaving out the bit about their voice-throwing shenanigans) and Beetlejuice did his best to answer the many questions that the couple obviously had. Eventually, they seemed to have accepted the story and everyone appeared a bit more relaxed now that a plan for dealing with Juno was somewhat in the works. Much to Lydia’s protests, Delia reminded her that she still had school the next day and had a pile of homework that had been neglected due to the rest of the weekend’s events.

“Can I hang out with you?” Beetlejuice bounced on the balls of his feet in excitement. “I promise I can make doing homework more fun!”

“More fun or more distracting?” Lydia asked skeptically but didn’t refuse his offer.

Before the two headed upstairs, Delia pulled Beetlejuice aside.

“Bee, I wanted to say thank you for taking Lydia out with you today.”

Startled by the nickname at first, Beetlejuice felt a not unpleasant flutter in his chest as he realized that Charles must have shared their conversation about his name with Delia.

Delia continued, “Whatever it was you two did—because I don’t believe for a second that story you told us at lunch was the _whole_ truth—whatever it was, it made Lydia happier than I’ve seen her pretty much since I’ve known her.”

At this, Beetlejuice shrugged nonchalantly, but his hair was now tinged with pink. “Don’t mention it. If you knew what we did, you probably wouldn’t be thanking me.”

“What?” Delia squeaked, concern flooding her face.

“What? Huh?” Beetlejuice feigned innocence, frustratingly unwilling to divulge more details.

“Well as long as no one was injured…” Delia was still concerned, but she also trusted Lydia. The girl was smart and a lot more mature than people usually gave her credit for, so Delia believed that Lydia would keep the demon in check. Or at least not agree to bodily harm. _Good Lord_.

Before she could begin to second guess herself, Delia moved on to her question.

“Do you think I could wash your suit for you?”

Beetlejuice paused at this. Being the only real article of clothing in his possession, Beetlejuice was especially fond of the suit and had repaired it by hand over the years more times than he could count. If demons were capable of feeling sentimental, Beetlejuice might compare his feelings toward the suit with that, but obviously it was really just a bunch of dirty fabric, right?

Beetlejuice finally shook himself into responding, “Uhh…yeah that would be okay, I guess. Just—” he paused, embarrassed at how stupid he was about to sound. “Be careful with it? Okay? It’s pretty old.”

Delia sensed that the age of the suit wasn’t the whole reason Beetlejuice cared about it, but she just smiled and gave a small nod. “Of course. I’ll wash it by hand, so it won’t get distressed by the machine.”

Beetlejuice chuckled to himself. “ _Distressed by the Machine_ …now there’s a band name.” As an afterthought, he added, “Maybe give me five minutes to empty the pockets first?”

Delia assented and Beetlejuice rushed up to the guest room, shaking the contents of his suit out onto the bed where it formed a small mountain. Lydia, who had been waiting at the top of the stairs for him, stared on in amusement from the doorway.

“You’re gonna have to do a ‘what’s in my suit’ tour for me some time,” she snickered. Beetlejuice rolled his eyes, brushing past her with the empty suit to hand it off to Delia.

“Not sure that all of it’s exactly PG-13, Lyds.”

Lydia glanced warily back at the pile of items on the bed, before deciding didn’t want to know what that comment was referring to.

After the suit was relinquished to Delia, Lydia and Beetlejuice headed back to her room where they spent most of the rest of the afternoon and evening. Lydia got most of her homework done, but it wasn’t helped by Beetlejuice wandering around her room, picking up basically every object, examining it, and sometimes trying to chew on it. At one point, Lydia was bent over her desk, staring intently at her biology textbook when Beetlejuice’s head emerged from the center of the book.

Jolting slightly, Lydia shot him an annoyed glare, “Beej, get your face out of my book. I really have to study this. I have a quiz tomorrow.”

Giving an exasperated sigh, Beetlejuice grunted and pulled himself out from the middle of the desk before floating behind Lydia to place his chin on her shoulder.

“What’s it for?” he asked.

Lydia let out a tired sigh, “Biology.”

“Hey! Speaking of which, what was all that about a cute lab partner at dinner the other night?” Beetlejuice jumped up onto her desk, plopping down directly on top of her textbook with his chin in his hands, eager for details. Realizing that studying was no longer an option for the time being, Lydia crossed her arms, avoiding eye contact.

“Uh that would be Penny. She’s just really cool in a kind of intimidating way, but is actually like really nice. She thinks dissection is cool and we both are basically the only kids in the lab that aren’t grossed out by it.” As Lydia spoke, her cheeks blushed slightly, and she twirled a lock of her hair around one finger. Beetlejuice clapped his hands together in glee.

“ _Somebody’s_ got a _crush_!!” he practically squealed.

Lydia tried to shove him off her desk, but also, Beetlejuice noted, did not try to protest his conclusion.

“Well, obviously you _have_ to do something about it,” Beetlejuice spoke seriously, getting down to business. “Any indications on whether she’s more of a hot dog or taco person? Or maybe both?”

“Well, I…wait what?” Lydia stared at Beetlejuice in confusion before realization dawned. “Oh… _EWW_ …Beej why do you have to say stuff like that??”

“What?? It’s a valid question,” Beetlejuice muttered, disgruntled.

“Well, to answer that very poorly worded question, I don’t know and don’t really feel like it’s my place to ask. But, I mean, she has a rainbow sticker on her laptop, and she did make a comment one time about having a crush on Wednesday Addams when she was younger.” Lydia shrugged.

Grinning, Beetlejuice declared, “Oh trust me, kiddo, that girl is queer as a three-dollar bill. So yeah, obviously you _are_ going to ask her on a date.”

“ _Or_ I could just pine in silence forever and never put myself through the embarrassment of rejection,” Lydia countered.

“You and I both know that is a _horrible_ idea. This is literally the perfect opportunity. I mean, she sounds like the girl of your dreams to me, so you’d be an idiot to do nothing.”

Lydia narrowed her eyes at him, “Well isn’t that a bit hypocritical?”

“Wha..what do you mean?” Beetlejuice asked defensively.

“Oh I don’t know…maybe just like your _MASSIVE_ and _SUPER OBVIOUS_ crush on the Maitlands,” Lydia deadpanned.

“Whu..” Beetlejuice sputtered. “Your… _face_ is massive and super obvious.”

Lydia simply gave him a shit-eating grin and folded her arms, knowingly.

Beetlejuice huffed, “That’s different, Lydia. I already tried getting in their pants, though now I know that I didn’t go about that in a super great way, but they made it _very_ clear that they were not interested. I’m trying to respect their boundaries or whatever,” Beetlejuice huffed.

“Hmmmm, yeah…I am proud of you for respecting their boundaries. I doubt that’s easy for you. But…I don’t know Beej, I personally wouldn’t completely dismiss that possibility. I saw Adam’s reaction when you came into the kitchen all cleaned up.” Lydia giggled. “And Barbara seemed pretty into it too. I just think that maybe you should, you know, try spending some more time with them and be nice to them instead of just trying to ‘get in their pants,’ as you put it. Try to show them that you’re interested in them as people too. You never know!” She wiggled here eyebrows at him.

With a groan, Beetlejuice toppled sideways off the desk to sprawl on the floor. “But that’s so much _work._ ”

“You’re hopeless,” Lydia shook her head before turning back to her biology textbook. “I just think if you’re gonna go around giving relationship advice, you better practice what you preach, buddy.”

When he made his way back to the guest room that night, Beetlejuice couldn’t help thinking about Lydia’s words earlier. _So, she had noticed the Maitlands weird behavior too, huh?_ He thought it was just him, so he had dismissed it as his own wishful thinking, but if Lydia had picked up on it…maybe? He ended up dismissing the thought, because in all honesty, he couldn’t make himself go there again. He still remembered the tingle of excitement that had rushed through his body when Adam had told him that he wanted him. And when he kissed him…Beetlejuice had been so caught off guard that he hadn’t noticed Adam pulling the blade away from him. Adam had really gone for it and Beetlejuice had been drowning. Adam’s lips, so soft against his, and when he had added tongue, Beetlejuice had just about died…figuratively. Then when Barbara had approached him too, Beetlejuice was so overwhelmed he was sure that if someone had looked inside his brain, they would have just found a bunch of error codes.

It had all been too good to be true and Beetlejuice had stupidly ignored the warning signs and fallen for it hook, line, and sinker. The pain of the realization that he had been tricked still echoed in his chest. Yeah, he wasn’t letting that happen again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case any of you didn’t know, women aren’t allowed to be priests, but some women have actually hidden their gender to join the priesthood, so like…hell yeah. Thanks Louise Erdrich and a great literature class for making me aware of this. Google Pope Joan for some interesting stuff.
> 
> Also, the Good Omens crossover has finally happened!! Woot! I love to imagine Crowley and Aziraphale interacting with Beetlejuice. Aziraphale doesn’t really know what to do with Beej’s chaotic and impulsive energy and mostly just worries about him and Crowley is just Too Old To Deal With His Shit, but still loves the guy. ALSO, Azi and Crowley are married now because, literally, we already knew that. I just made it official. (Sidenote, if any of you have not watched Good Omens, please do so. Or read the book. Or both. Promise you won't regret it.)
> 
> Finally, I would like to address how very far from the cannon this work been launched at this point. I hope that doesn’t bother any of you. I personally love playing around with head-cannons and crossovers, etc. so I hope ya’ll enjoy as well. If not, feel free to let me know what you hate or what ticks you off! Your opinions are valid too.
> 
> As always, thank you so much for reading, my beautiful people! Take care of yourselves <3


	8. Undisclosed desires

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam's unconscious reveals that maybe there are some feelings he's been trying to avoid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content warning: this chapter contains some sexyfuntimes, so if that isn't your cup of tea, feel free to skip to the end of the chapter for a summary :)
> 
> Chapter title comes from "Undisclosed Desires" by Muse: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bWTuKd2lTo4

Adam was sitting in his armchair in the attic, deep in the throes of a book about early print-making techniques when he heard the attic door creak open. Glancing, up, expecting to see Barbara, his stomach did a flip. Beetlejuice was closing the door behind him as he gazed at Adam with a…hungry expression. Adam lowered his book to his lap as Beetlejuice slowly approached.

“Beetlejuice…what..uh…what are you doing up here?” Adam asked, trying to ignore the way his stomach fluttered when he saw how dark and intent the demon’s eyes were.

“Adam, how are you so boring and sexy at the same time?” Beetlejuice breathed. His tie was loosened around his neck and the top two buttons of his shirt were undone, exposing a tantalizing v of skin and a glimpse of chest hair. The demon came to a halt in front of Adam before sinking to his knees. He was close enough that Adam could see his dilated pupils, but Beetlejuice didn’t raise a hand to touch him.

Adam swallowed hard. Beetlejuice reached forward, taking the book from Adam’s hand and setting it aside, not bothering to bookmark it as he snapped it shut. Adam would have normally been perturbed by such negligence, but at the moment, his mind was elsewhere.

“Adam, can I touch you?” Beetlejuice barely whispered.

Adam shivered at his words. The demon sucked his lower lip in, biting down on it softly as his eyes roved from Adam’s face down his chest and landed on his crotch before traveling back up to meet Adam’s gaze once again. Realizing that Beetlejuice touching him was _exactly_ what he wanted, Adam nodded his head and managed to stutter out a “ _yes._ ”

As soon as the words had left his mouth, Beetlejuice was surging forward, hands gliding along Adam’s thighs. Adam gasped right before the demon’s lips met his. Beetlejuice pressed his palms flat against the tops of Adam’s thighs as Adam lifted his hands to tangle them in the demon’s mussed hair. Overcome with desire, Adam slipped his tongue into the demon’s mouth, eliciting a whine from Beetlejuice. The demon dragged his hands up to Adam’s waist, pulling himself closer until their hips ground together, causing Adam to moan pornographically. Adam was fully aroused by this point and he could feel that Beetlejuice was as well.

Beetlejuice broke away from the kiss, pulling back enough to gaze heatedly into Adam’s eyes.

“Can I blow you?” Beetlejuice inquired, leaning back in to nip at Adam’s lower lip before adding, “ _Please?_ ” Adam nearly came right then and there.

“Yes, _god yes,_ ” he breathed.

Beetlejuice’s hands were then fumbling at his belt and deftly undoing his zipper. Adam watched, chest heaving, as Beetlejuice pulled his dick free, giving it a stroke as he glanced back up at Adam for approval. At Adam’s nod, Beetlejuice lowered his head to take Adam into his mouth. Letting out a guttural moan, Adam locked one hand in Beetlejuice’s hair, gripping the arm of the chair with the other. The demon’s mouth was so hot and wet. He bobbed his head up and down, hands grasping Adam’s hips firmly. Adam’s breath hitched as Beetlejuice swallowed around him and then—

Adam awoke with a start. He was sweating and quickly became aware of his achingly painful erection.

“Adam…”

Adam started and turned to see Barbara laying on her side next to him in bed, staring at him intently. He let out a shuddering breath at the sight of her. _Oh shit._

“Barbara….I…” he didn’t know what to say. He’d just had a dream about cheating. And cheating on Barbara with _Beetlejuice._ What was happening to him? He loved Barbara. There was no doubt in his mind about that, so what had that dream been all about?

“Sounded like you were having a nice dream,” Barbara whispered softly, reaching out to stroke Adam’s face. When he flinched away from her, Barbara’s face crumbled into worry. “Adam, what’s wrong?”

“Barbara, the dream I just had…I…” he couldn’t get the words out.

“Beetlejuice was in it, wasn’t he?” Barbara asked. Adam looked at her in surprise, guilt etched across his face. “You were kind of moaning his name.” Barbara looked like she was fighting back a smile, which confused Adam. She should be furious. _Why wasn’t she furious?_

“Barbara, I’m so sorry! I don’t know why it happened. It can’t mean anything. I…I love you _so much_ Barbara,” Adam reached forward to take her face in both his hands. “You know that, right? I don’t know what this dream was about, but it doesn’t ever change the way I feel about you.”

“Adam, it’s okay. You really don’t have to feel bad it,” Barbara leaned in to kiss Adam gently. “I know that you love me. Sometimes things happen in dreams that wouldn’t happen in real life, and that’s okay. Sometimes dreams are fantasies…which is _also_ okay.” She paused, studying Adam’s worried features. “I also know that it’s possible to love more than one person at once, so having fantasies or feelings for another person is nothing to end a relationship over.”

“I…I don’t know what’s happening to me,” Adam exhaled again, seeming to relax into Barbara’s touch. “Thank you though…for not being angry, Barbara. I feel like you should be, but for some reason you aren’t? And I just…I love you so much.”

Barbara smiled and leaned in to kiss Adam again. She pressed herself close to him and he wrapped his arms around her waist, before she pulled back enough to grin mischievously and ask him, “Seems to me like you’ve still got a bit of a situation that needs to be taken care of. Do you mind if I help you out?”

She could see Adam blushing in the dim glow of moonlight coming in from the skylight, but nodded, letting out a groan as Barbara slipped her hand between the two of them. Taking him into her hand, the couple continued to exchange languid kisses until Adam finally climaxed with a sigh.

As the two settled back into bed, limbs entwined, Barbara stoked Adam’s chest and murmured, “Whatever happens with us…with you and me…with the two of us and Beetlejuice…whatever it is, Adam, as long as we don’t start keeping secrets, I know we’ll be alright and figure this out.”

Adam placed his hand on top of hers, pressing a kiss to the top of her head before whispering, “I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sex-free summary: Our boy has a steamy dream about Beej, and Barbara overhears it. They talk and Barbara lets Adam know that his feelings are okay and that she doesn’t doubt his love.
> 
> Heyooo, so Beetlelands is picking up momentum ;))) I know I haven't written as much about Barbara's feelings, but they are there and we'll see more of them in future chapters. She's just less bashful and conflicted about it all as Adam, so we gotta let the boy work through his feelings first.
> 
> "One thing led to another  
> and soon I would discover  
> I was having really strange feelings for Beetlejuice"


End file.
